Entering a world of hate and cruelty I am home

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alanwilkinson, Dec 24, 2006.

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  1. One more day I awake to pain drag myself back into this world
    More pills to take just to survive the day into life I am then just hurled
    I survive the battle just to shop and then collapse with another painful shock
    Once more the door to again unlock
    Entering a world of hate and cruelty I am home

    My home is a room 8 by 8
    A room I loath a room I hate
    No comfort here no Christmas cheer
    I put away the things I bear
    And throw myself to bed with a tear
    I close my eyes and try to sleep
    Entering a world of hate and cruelty I am home

    Bang crash scream I wake with a start
    Oh now not again I cry from my heart
    I long to sleep in total dark
    Where life is still and no words to hark
    Bang again I rouse to complain
    Entering a world of hate and cruelty I am home

    Where in this world is the love I seek
    I climb the barriers to take a peek
    At a world I cannot ever enter anymore
    So my day ends and more pills to take
    I shut my eyes and then I awake
    Entering a world of hate and cruelty I am home
  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Alan :hug:

    I'm so genuinely sorry you're going through so much pain and emotional and physical torment right now. If i could help make things better for you, even for just one minute, i would jump at the chance.

    I've truly missed you and have thought about you often. It's good to see you around again, I wish it were under better circumstances though.

    If there is anything I, and we, can do to help please let me know. I'm going to reply to your PM now

    Thinking of you at this really difficult time and sending you the most comforting hugs imaginable

    Jenny xx
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too am sorry your life is so sorrowful and frustrating.:sad: Sending you big hugs and hope for better circumstances soon.:smile:

    love and hugs,

  4. Silence sweet adorable utter black silence
    Gone are the days of grieve and violence
    No bird or car to destroy the blackness
    I enter thee with joy and gladness
    The pain is gone and so the madness
    Rest is here

    Gone is the hate replaced by tears
    No longer cruelty no longer fears
    My love I feel as she draws nigh
    I hear her sob I hear her sigh
    Tears well up as I once more cry
    Rest is here

    I arise from my sleep to start the new life
    Only to hear no end to my strife
    I must go back and learn what I can
    I must go back and be a man
    Through the halls of my mind a cry is heard
    Rest is here
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have such emotion in your writing. I wish it could be a better situatioin for you. I am sorry you have to go through what you are. Please take care and remember we are here for you. :hug:
  6. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    My heart is heavy for you. Your poetry expresses the way you ache. It is very detailed and exact. If you ache then I ache. I wish you well.
  7. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Oh Alan.. I've been thinking of you over the Christmas period and sending good vibes your way. I hope to catch up with you soon... I know it's difficult, but hang on in there :flowers: :hug:
  8. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :cry: awwww hun, I am so sorry, I see so much pain in your writings. :hug:
  9. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear how things are going for you, I remember Christmases like this, too. Don't give up, I'm so proud of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, that takes a lot of courage.
    I'm praying for you, and I know that God loves you and will never abandon you.

    Cristo Vive!
    - Tomasz
  10. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Poetry is a good way to get your feelings out. Does it help you? I am sorry that you feel so sorroful. take care.
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