Envious, and I don't know how to deal with it

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by thepainwithin, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    I'm soo unbelievably envious of girls. They all think they have it so bad, but they don't! Girls rule the world, as my gay friend said the other day. They're so lucky, they can get laid at the snap of a finger, they get to wear so many different styles, and materials. They get to wear clothes that makes them look and feel so sexy, and I have to tow the line or a piece of cloth shaped a certain way could make people think I'm gay. They get to have so much fun, everyone wants to see and be around pretty girls, even other girls!

    I guess I just don't know how to deal with it because its something I can't change. I see them all over campus all dressed in their tight pants, and tight shirts, and you know they're wearing thongs and you know they love that all the boys want it.

    I don't care what any girl says, periods and birth are such a small price to pay to be the DOMINANT sex. The gender with the power over sex. Girls always say how annoying it is that guys are always hitting on them, I don't care what you say it's better than having no one hit on you ever. Not to sound conceded, but I'm not a bad looking guy, I see girls staring at me sometimes .. But they expect me to do all the work to initiate the conversation. I don't know how. And it's not that I don't think you're gorgeous, and it's not that I don't want to talk to you, but you make me feel so small and helpless when you're sitting their, dressed in your NORMAL clothes that are sooo sexy, and your bleached hair... Knowing that every other guy in the world is thinking the same thing I am about you, how pretty you are, how I want to meet you, but I'm nothing, when you could have anyone you wanted.

    Take any picture of girls on Facebook, replace the girls with guys... Every single guy would be called gay if they posed like girls. You know, the standing next to each other, hips touching. Or back to the camera looking over your shoulder. You all get to have so much more fun!! There is no line to tow! You can even kiss a girl and people would think its hot, not gay. Any guy does it, he's gay!

    I'm just so sick of hearing how bad girls have it. Their only problems is "does he think I'm pretty?!?" Whereas I'm all... God I'm so depressed, what if I never find a woman and my family name stops at me?!

    I'm jealous.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2012
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Life is about far, far more than good looks and sex, though.
  3. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    Hey man, I think I'm a similar sorta guy to you in a lot of ways (although I imagine I'm older), and don't think it's necessarily true that beautiful women have everything their own way. I've known some unbelievably beautiful women who are also very insecure, or shy (seriously, I'm not just saying that). I know it seems sometimes that they're the flame and we're the moths, and I'm sure that is true in some cases, but women, particularly beautiful women, have to put up a lot of 'shields' just to get through the day, and are often grateful for a guy who appreciates them as a person, rather than as an object, y'know, someone who isn't just out to ogle them or sleep with them, a guy who might listen to what they have to say, maybe take care of them a little bit.

    That might be true, but what if they're also thinking "what if the answer is no? All guys care about is looks........."

    Just my thoughts, anyway.

    PS I've kissed a guy before, and I'm not gay.
  4. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    Ok but it's not just sex. That just seemed to be my rant. It's everything. I could go on and on about the differences. Like how in engineering they say "we need more women!" But a male nurse must be gay. Maybe not anymore its just an example. It's not just sex it's life. A woman who cares about her looks is typical, a man is (obviously) metro sexual if he cares to look good.

    They can be boys or girls, and no one cares. But if a boy wants to be a girl... Everyone notices, everyone cares. Is there such thing as a Tom girl?

    Do you see what I'm saying? Maybe? No one expects a girl to keep the family name going, or make millions of dollars. They can. Or they can find a guy to do it for them.

    If women were really as disadvantaged as they say then it wouldn't be "pussy whipped". I dunno.
  5. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    Even colors make a guy feminine. Colors and cloth, that are as gender biased as pavement.

    But at the same time you can't say it's not about sex because we're all (people my age) trying to get laid.

    If it wasn't about sex then girls wouldn't wear the clothes they do. They wouldn't wear underwear up their ass and pants so tight that it cuts off circulation when they lean more then 20 degrees in either direction. They wouldn't wear leggings that show off their ass.

    My plight isn't just all about sex, but end. It comes down to it, you can't say it's not about sex, because everything is about sex, from movies, to music, television, novels.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    As a member of the grandma-set (!) I can see this from the historical perspective,...... the gender confusion that began in the 60's with women's lib - and the consequences of that, resulting in what we have to negotiate today. Up until the 60's society was so much easier to negotiate in terms of the unquestioned expectations that somehow seemed hard-wired into the psyche.

    These tended to be disadvantageous to women, unless a woman was fortunate enough to find a man who would be her future - marriage, family etc. Women had the expectation on them to do this, or wear the label "spinster", or "maiden-Aunt" for the rest of their days. In the work place, men held the power and earned more, etc. As old attitudes die hard - some of what the younger generation have inherited in their genes still speaks to them of 'expectations' regarding their part in the continuation of the species (I don't think anything could eradicate this) - but so much more has entered society since, which (imo) hasn't made it any easier.

    Girls for instance need to be mature enough, early enough, to decide on whether they are going to want "to be laid at the snap of a finger" - and how they will appear to their friends if they decide to "wait until marriage" (does ANYONE still do that these days?) ...... so the pressure is on for them to sleep around - and I suppose this is the new 'normal'? (Something wrong or odd about you if you don't?). They have to consider being self-sufficient now whether they want to or not, and face the reality of working to pay for child-care, instead of being able to nurture their children at home.

    .........So, having had a grandma rant, it's becoming obvious to me that I'm totally unqualified to answer #1 :) in any sort of satisfactory manner. Life holds pitfalls for us all, and the only way through (imo) is to be confident in one's own 'negotiation and conflict resolution' skills, develop an awareness of the importance of self-awareness and consider seriously the option of finding answers to the big questions through it all which can bring things into some perspective, peace and even joy :)
  7. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    I actually understand exactly what you're saying! I'm a lesbian in a man's body.

    Stay cool brother, you actually seem to have it all fairly-well figured out for a guy your age! All the best! Woman are far cooler and less shallow than you imagine. Peace.
  8. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    Actually yes, I know a lot of girls who are saving themselves, or at least they say they are. But this got me thinking about something else. Might be kind of off topic, but like how if a girl buys a sex toy she's hot, if a guy buys a sex toy he's a pathetic loser that can't get laid?

    It's just the stuff like that, again not all about sex, but it would be nice to have the freedom girls do, and not have to worried about being ridiculed because I'm wearing a color that's not for my gender.

    I'll never forget this. I was with my (ex) girlfriend several years ago, and we were in her room, I can't remember exactly why but she showed me underwear drawer. Lots of different colors, bright, dark, so many different materials, styles, shapes, fits, etc... and I think about it to this day, every time I open my underwear drawer; dull, dark blue and black, one style, one fabric...

    Even something as obscure as the underwear we wear symbolizes how I feel... (not to mention a girl could get away with wearing my underwear, could I get away with wearing hers???? and I don't literally mean 'hers' get your head out of the gutter, I'm not THAT gross)
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well I am very relieved and gladdened to hear there are girls who are saving themselves for their knight in shining armour.....- hey, that's a fabulous idea that would solve all your dress problems hun!! Sew up a wearable suit of shining "armour" - buy a white horse and ..... all your problems will be over! :laugh: I mean, that would give you something very exciting and different to wear, eh? Could start a new trend, in fact......


    Sorry, I didn't mean to be flippant......... I respect your feelings I really do, ..... just couldn't resist a bit of fun.

    There's always been tension between the sexes for various reasons hun - the pendulum swings back and forth - but the underlying basic is that everyone one wants to find happiness and fulfillment and, like you say, it does all seem to revolve around sex - or a large part of it does anyway. I think Freud got it right... (almost.... Jung fell out with him over it though, and I prefer Jung's insights as being of more practical help). (Just an aside).

    Am rambling, so will shut up. Away for the weekend so can't reply any more till Monday.
  10. CogitoErgoSum

    CogitoErgoSum Member

    This is a huge post so I'm going to try and break it down.

    First off I think it's a great post and a very honest opinion even though I come from a perspective that's far from parallel but not an opposite.

    I'd say you hate that girls "think they have it so bad" because hate is blind, just sitting here I can think of 6 girls that would say they have it alright and that's just off the top of my head :)! In general I'd say the opinion is split, at least between girls that I know personally and I'd say a 50/50 of those 50% that hold that opinion, one half has good reasons for saying girls have it bad and the other half just don't understand but still favor it for whatever reason.

    I don't want to get laid at the snap of a finger? There are a lot of girls I don't want to get the wrong attention from :p just think of the hideous realization after you're done and the fact that she's not attractive to you just hits in? That stuff sucks, big time. Besides it's usually frowned upon when women do it but fine when guys do it, or so most people would say (I just think it applies to the person regardless of the gender, but that's just an opinion ;-) )

    I also wear my own style that I've just coincidentally developed as soon as I started buying my own clothes, girls say that shit is sexy so I guess that worked in my favor :-D?

    Girls want to be around pretty guys as well :p come on, that can't be gender-related. It's nothing wrong with it either, we're all partially motivated towards aesthetics.

    You can't change it yourself but... what is it that you want to change exactly :) ?
    Dude I'm on the exact same page as I don't understand why some girls dress slutty. I'll go as far to say that I think some clothes have been tramp stamped for bad reasons, stuff I just think looks hot. But girls don't want guys to want their body in that way :p they want the attention and not the staring type. They just want guys to approach them and talk. Maybe it's some sort of confusion mixed with whatever?

    Girls aren't annoyed by getting hit on :p No person ever wakes up thinking "I hope I don't get swept off my feet today". If anyone ever says that just call them on their bullshit haha.
    I prefer doing the approaching but I get what you mean some guys don't feel like they should have to take the first step. The only reason I'm doing it is because I believe in the psychological sexual attraction that is given with me approaching instead of whatever gender I'm interested in.

    A lot of pretty girls don't get approached at all. You're completely right that a lot of guys are probably thinking the same thing, they're thinking that they're nothing and what sets you apart from the others. I'll tell you one single simple thing that will set you apart from more than half of those guys. APPROACH. You don't know how? Just start with a hi. You'd be ever so surprised ;-). If you don't know what to say just go "I totally don't know what to say right now but you were cute so I had to say hi" and there's your "opener" ?

    Well guys have their own thing... you know you can just have pictures where you're all guys just having fun arm around heads or whatever... maybe you're disappointed that it's not allowed to be as sexualized? Am I wrong?

    One thing that girls have to think about that I never thought about as a guy was just general safety... I never realized I can just walk a block all alone or walk through a park, just walking wherever at night, carefree. There's a HUGE scare for women to just head out alone etc. Imagine not being able to get a cab by yourself cause you're afraid of... well you can figure out the rest, and it does happen, way too often.

    Another thing is where they're being identified partially as sexual objects. Girls go through tremendous shit-storms concerning their looks etc. Like I can imagine whatever it was for us guys but times 3. Guys generally don't get picked on for looking bland. But a bland looking girl in an high-schoolish environment is going to get a lot of shit over her looks.

    Dude thanks for you post, don't get me wrong I'm not trying to attack what you believe I only wish to share my opinions so that you'd stop worrying as much! All I want is for you to feel better man.

    Best of luck, I hope at least some of what I said got you thinking perhaps differently. I'm sorry if it all seemed stressed in the post but I a half hour extra lunch just to get my thoughts out on this.
  11. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Why does it matter? There are likely women out there making similar observations in reverse. We are who and what we are and to embrace self and make good with it, being all that we can be, is the key to succeeding. The grass will always seem greener in the next yard.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2012