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Envy makes me a bad person?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by DefectiveByDesign, Jul 2, 2009.

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  1. Envy, from the Latin invidia, is a feeling of wanting another person's success or possessions.

    I've been hearing a lot of news from friends and acquaintances. It seems that everyone I know is *highly* successful. I'm feeling envious, and it makes me want to avoid all contact with everybody. I just don't want to know anymore.

    Compare and contrast:

    - There's the classmate who's band is making it big-time. Meanwhile, even though I'd love to be on stage, I'm too ugly to be a performer of any sort.
    - There are a dozen or so friends who are getting married. Meanwhile, I've never even held hands with a girl.
    - There are friends and classmates in wonderful jobs that let them travel around the world. Meanwhile, I've been banned on business trips because no one can share a room with me due to my disgusting snoring problem.
    - There's the friend that won a huge art contest. Meanwhile, I've been unable to finish an art project for the last 3 years, and even if it were finished, isn't going to be that great anyway.
    - There's the friend that's been filing patents and publications left and right in some of the most prestigious scientific journals. Meanwhile, I'm struggling to publish my second paper on something stupid because I couldn't understand the math for something better.
    - There's the classmate whose start-up company has been featured on the cover of a business magazine. Meanwhile, no one knows what I do because it's so insignificant.

    ... etc., etc.

    These aren't even atypical for the people I know. Everyone is so successful. They don't try any harder than I do. Back in college, I struggled to understand what I was learning and spent all of my time trying to work it out. Everyone else was at parties. They still turned out better results than I did. I try to overcome shyness but I keep getting more and more disgusting physically that it doesn't matter.

    The envy that I'm feeling is making me a bad person. I've lost any sense of compassion or sympathy for other people's problems. I keep thinking that if I had what they have, I wouldn't complain. I also keep thinking that they should experience life like me. It's a terrible thing to think but I can't stop it.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you shouldn't keep comparing yourself to others.. You say your ugly, well that shouldn't hold you back.. Put forth your best effort in things and then you will see positive results..It's not what you look like that counts it's how you perform and the results of you trying..I was held back at my last job because I am not a pretty boy college graduate..Later I learned that I was held back because of my knowledge..I know how to do every job in the place and my boss saw the value in keeping me back so I could train others how to perform there jobs.. Sure it hurt to see others get the better jobs, but I accepted it because iI knew thats just the way things are..All you can do is your best and maybe go back and take some more classes in buisness.. The more knowledge you have the faster you will move up to where you want to be..
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I wish I could offer some sort of good advice or support here DbyD, but all I can say is - I can completely, utterly and totally relate and I suffer from envy and jealousy in the extremes. So much so that is has ruined and continues to ruin my life.
    I've tried to focus on my good points and overcome it but whenever I find something out or see something, I can feel my blood start to boil, almost literally, my heart beats faster, jumps up into my throat, I feel sick, it feels like hatred... that's how strong it gets.

    I don't want to feel that way about people I call friends and family. I want to genuinely feel happy for them, but even saying it makes me feel sick. Nobody is ever happy for me!! And you know why...? Because nothing good has ever happened to me for them to feel fucking happy about. It blows and it hurts, and even when I try hard, I get nothing.

    I actually posted a thread about it a while back also, if you want to see what some of the others said.
    I'm so sorry I couldn't offer something better, but I just want you to know you aren't alone in feeling like this and envy doesn't make you a bad person - it's when you start to sabotage your friends good fortune (like I have) THAT is what makes you a bad person.

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