I'm so sick of envying other ppl and what they have its awful to admit but I envy my own mother I guess I have done for years. I feel like a mess and she always looks good. I felt less envy wen I improved but this relapse has brought up all them feelings again. She's got away from this shit (me) and this house, moved on and now she's doing all the things shes missed out on. She's not computer literate at all but bought a laptop wiv sum insurance money and spent loads on nights out. she's now on facebook and told me not to talk bowt anything personal on ther. As if she's ashamed of me. She's told all my problems even personal ones to her phoney work friends and all the family. People know all my bad sides my issues etc and it pisses me off cos I feel self conscious at best of times now I just feel like a massive freak show again. Can't use facebook like I used to and just feel so pathetic like I've not had a social life thru my adolescence n adult years I'm 24 n missed out so much destroyed any looks I ever had my body my life etc. Just feel so lame and ashamed stupid freak tht I am. Ugh bak to square one n can't do much for a while since I've pulled half my hair out confidence shot thru more than ever In debt and so alone. Thers no justice My mothers gettin evrything on silver plate I'm left with NOTHING and NOBODY
Envy is a feeling or emotional just like all the others. It isnt wrong to feel them. It's what you do with the feelings that is right or wrong. And you taking the strength and courage to talk about it is a good thing. It helps to get those feelings out. It is understandable that you want the things she has when you are feeling so low and out. But talking about it here is much better than harming yourself. So please keep posting. Keep getting the frustration out. Feel a little better knowing that someone else has read what you posted and you arent alone :arms:
