Epilepsy has ruined my life. (Lots of text)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TheLonelyAloePlant, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. TheLonelyAloePlant

    TheLonelyAloePlant Well-Known Member

    First off, I'm 15. Just in case someone asks.

    Around mid-September 2009, I had my first seizure at school. The hospital ran a CT scan, and didn't find anything harmful. They told me it could be due to stress, and if I had another, they'd medicate me. I was humiliated.

    Two weeks later, I had another, in class. Apparently people in there were really worried, some even cried. This one wasn't as violent, but I went to the hospital anyway, just in case. This time, they ran a MRI, and still didn't find anything harmful. The doctors ordered an EEG, which I didn't get until October 23rd, 2009.

    A week later, a week or so before my EEG, I had my third and most violent seizure. I chipped a tooth, which still isn't repaired. Got another CT scan, still no damage. Guess I have a tough skull. The hospital finally prescribed me some anti-seizure medication, which worked, but the fog it causes is unbearable, which my neurologist didn't like, and I am getting weaned off of it, and being introduced to Lamictal.

    Still no EEG results as of now.

    The results of this?

    I missed a lot of school. I left my high school, my friends, playing my violin, which I loved... I do all of my classes online, at home now. I'm catching up to the rest of the online school, which has work (virtually) piled up to my ears.

    I lost a lot of friends. I don't know if I embarrassed them by having a seizure, but I noticed less people talking to me after the initial shock wore off. One of my best friends hardly talks to me anymore. I guess I'm a freak to them now. Only a few select friends even acknowledge me anymore.

    I feel like I'll never find love. I'll never have kids. I probably won't even get married because of this fucking disorder. No one wants to bear the stress of someone with epilepsy. I'll probably be dumped time after time because I'm too much to take care of. How will I ever get a job? I'm disabled. I can't be a doctor. I'm costing my unemployed, single mother money from hospital bills and medication. I'll just live with my mom until one of us dies. I'll never be able to live alone.

    I hope the next seizure fucking kills me. :sad:
  2. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry this has happened to you, it must be very hard. But there is some good news, it is entirely possible that you could grow out of these seizures. My mom had seizures when she was growing up and then they stopped and she hasn't had one since (its been like 30 years for her). She played the saxophone when she was a kid and after a seizure she forgot how to play, she had to completely re-learn it. So if her bad seizures went away yours totally can too! I hope you get better.
  3. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    If they feel embarrassed by your seizures, they are pathetic. It could just be that they're afraid of talking to you, because they think your life is so dramatically changed that socializing with you will be like walking on egg shells from this point out. Its sort of like how some people have a similar fear of approaching people in wheel chairs. In either case, it exposes them as fair weather friends.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2009
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have a friend who has seizures and she has a fiance'.. They are perfectly happy together..This doesn't make you a freak.. She watches her diet and because she has had them for so long she looks for signs that one is coming..So you can live a normal life.. If your friends are treating you this way then talk to them.. Be honest and let them know it is something you have no control over.. If they still treat you this way then they aren't very good friends..You have nothing to be ashamed of so stand strong and hold your head high..