Er. Hi. Mental Disorders?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hematomania, Apr 14, 2014.

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  1. Hematomania

    Hematomania New Member

    Hi. I'm Daniel and im new to this site and i'd kinda like to vent a little and hopefully you guys have some answers i'm looking for. Every day i'm fighting a constant battle in my head. Its like every time i have to make a decision, in my head there is a voice saying do it, you'll be fine. But there is another voice telling me not to. Don't do it, it stupid, it will make you look like you don't know what you're doing, you'll look stupid, etc. I can't escape this "voice". Its driving me insane. Is there something messed up in there? Like a disorder? Next point, I can't trust anyone. I'm terrified of my parents. I always think they're out to get me or they hate me. Same with people, i have grown away from my old friends and now i'm really alone. I feel safer by myself, but long for a friend. Finally, i've really been depressed over the past few weeks. I don't really see a point of going on anymore. I'm starting to be angry all the time and want people to go away. My mind is making up terrible thoughts of what i could do to people even though i really don't want to hurt anyone. Death sounds kinda exciting honestly and i don't really see myself living to be old. I feel like i'm going to die young. Either by accident or me losing my mind. The only reason i see i should go on is because the La State track meet is in a few weeks and that sounds fun. I'm just looking for answers to whats wrong with me. Thanks anyone who read.
     
  2. Concave

    Concave Active Member

    For me and my Mom, the constant thinking of suicide can be an addictive pattern. I used to think about and fantasize about different methods. It was calming to an extent, but very unhealthy and generally puts one in a horrible state of mind. Friends are very good to have, just try and find one that doesn't seem to judgemental. Not sure about your situation, but my mom was always very helpful (she has dealt with suicidal tendencies herself), but when I was in the worst of times I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone. Having a friend or someone to talk to helps a lot.the "voices" thing just sounds like you are second guessing yourself. Try not to dwell on it too much.
     
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Daniel, Welcome to SF.

    First up - the 'voice' in your head does not sound like a disorder, it sounds like a lack of confidence. The good news is that you have the voice saying "do it, you'll be fine" as well, which many people do not. The more you listen to this voice, the stronger it will be. Ignoring the other is a matter of practice.

    If you are engaging in suicidal thinking I would really recommend seeing a medical professional. That said, if you are pulling away from people and isolating, depression and loneliness is a natural consequence. It sounds like you know the fear of your parents is irrational and that your thought patterns are not logical. Choose the voice you know to be better for your health and happiness and focus on that. I know that isn't necessarily easy but the rewards are far greater than the easier route of letting the negative thought patterns take root.

    Do consider seeing a doctor - but do not worry about the 'voice' - it does not sound like a mental disorder to me. (I am not a doctor just to be clear so it is a good idea to get a real medical opinon).
     
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