Ergh...need to rant

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rawr, Feb 13, 2008.

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  1. Rawr

    Rawr Active Member

    Okay so i have finally realised that there is no hope left for me. I have just spent like 2 hours crying over the phone to my counciler and my mum saying how badly i need help or something and how i cannot go on living like this any longer it is going to drive me insane. All i do is talk talk talk to my counciler and it is really getting me no where and i told her that..then she just comes up with suggestions to talk to different people :rolleyes: I told her that i have pretty much planned it out and she (counciler) isnt working tomorrow so said she is going to send me to see some docter (to talk) and she know's that i dont trust many people and find it hard to put what i'm feeling into words so she just goes ahead with it anyway obviously. Like i find it hard to say what i really think so if i am not happy with something i will usually go ahead with it anyway but the rare time i speak out and tell her she does it anyway. So i have to go see this docter and i know that all i am going to say is i am okay know then thats it. Even if i wanted to tell is random person everything i just couldnt.
    Then she wants another meeting on Monday with another docter and my mum to talk about putting me on tablets, which my mum wants the most and is really pushing for me to be on them because they make her feel all happy and high and blissfully unaware what is going on in this world and with her daughter. But i dont want to be on them all they do is make you thing everything is okay, like block you from the truth and make you happy. I dont want tablets to make me fucking happy!
    I have fucked everything up and have a major habbit of doing so so all my life is going to be a mess cause something or i always get in the way of a good thing.
    I know that i am never going to have the life i want and i know that if for once i could put myself first i might be able to do it. But i cant cause of all the shity guilt and they fact i am living for other people, not myself anymre :sad:

    Ergh sorry i just need to express my anger or whatever sorry and well done if you actually got through it all :blink:
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2008
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    the best thing to do in terms of living for yourself is to be honest with the docs about the help you need, and if you have a plan, tell them. they are there to help *you*... i know all about trust, i have problems with it too. but i won't refuse a lifebuoy when it's thrown... 'cos left to myself i would be dead by now. be brave!

  3. Rawr

    Rawr Active Member

    Yeh i rerally do wanna try to trust some people and talk to them but it is serioualy like the words wont come out..i guess it's like all the thoughs are there i just carent put them into words..if that make's sense :wink:
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Depending on what the pills are with the help of counselling and the pills you may find a way out of it all. Speak to them on monday see how it goes. How old are you? Do you have any choice in how you are treated?
  5. Rawr

    Rawr Active Member

    I wish i could take them i just know and have seen that all they do is make you think everything is okay and make you 'happy'.

    I'm 15, and they say i do but they will just end up doing what they want, my mum is really pushing for me to be put on them. But i dont trust having them near me either write now like i dont know if i would use my mum's tablets cause i dont know what they are so if they will do the job but i know that mine would.
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    With your age and you being in the UK I think GP's are reluctant to put you on pills, however ask to speak to the GP on your own without your mum there. Tell them how you feel and mention the worry you have about pills. Ask if there is anyother type of treatment you could have. Why is your mum pushing so much for you to have the pills? What is she on? How long have you been feeling like you do and when did you first see someone about it.
  7. Rawr

    Rawr Active Member

    Yeh well my counciler said that i could have a word with the GP on my own but still my mum wont take no for an answer.

    I will try asking but i dont think there is anything else because i said to my counciler today that i didnt want to go on pills.

    My mum seems to think that pills make everything better. She has had mental issued, not sure what cause no one really tells me anything, and now she has on lots of pills and they make here 'happy' but it's like she has her eyes shut to everything that is going on and the fact that i have problems. I do not want to end up like that.

    She also has God who has made her 'happy' so she says but i dont belive in Religion or God so i dont have my faith to make me 'happy'.

    I have been feeling like this for about a year and a half it was kind of on and off but these past couple of months it's been getting worse and write now i feel the worst i have ever felt.
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    You have the right to speak to the GP on your own, make an appointment and go behind your mums back if needs be just so you can speak to him alone. Express your wishes that you would rather mpw be on pills but of the GP thinks you should then he is right so listen to him.
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