Errr...I am so confused!

Discussion in 'The Uncertainty Principle' started by LtRoarke, Aug 29, 2006.

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  1. LtRoarke

    LtRoarke Guest

    I do not know what to do! It's like...empty promises. I wait every month...and he never gets a job. I don't even have faith in him anymore. I really do not think he will ever find a job, and that scares me. And pisses me off. And makes me incredibly sad. It's become a main part of my thoughts each day. Did he get the job? Did he go looking for a job today? Whatever.... I know he is just a boyfriend, not a fiance or a husband, but after nine months of dating a jobless boyfriend, or one who can't seem to do something right and keep it for more than 2 weeks, it just really affects me. And I just feel terrible for thinking all these things. I feel terrible for dwellign on his joblessness. His failings. I hate thinking that I am dating a fialure or a loser. I love him, but I think that if this cycle of joblessness continues any longer, that I will not love him, trust him, or anything. It already starting; I can feel it. But he promises! And I believe him, because I can honestly tell that he trying very hard. He is depressed because he can't "do anything right" or he is "a loser" or he can't make me "happy" and whatnot...and I hate thinking it might be true. I just don't know.
    I don't know whether it would be best for me to break up with him. I don't know whether it would be morally and ethically right to break up with him. I don't know whether I am still with him because I love him that much or if I just can't stand to be alone. Because...I hate being alone. I get very upset when I am alone. I am so confused. He is trying...I know that. He feels bad...I know that. I believe those things. I just don't know if I can handle it...should. He doesn't have a college degree...he has this dent in record-possession of marijuana...and he just isn't good at keeping jobs.
    Confusion...! I hate relationships. I should be a freakin' monk or something. ARGH! A part of me wishes that he would cheat on me or fall out of love with me so that I could break up with him and feel no guilt. I hate that. I love him...but not when I think of his career...or lack thereof. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!
     
  2. MalcolmD

    MalcolmD Member

    It sounds like your lives are heading in different directions already. If you are heading off to university and he isn't then he won't be able to understand what you are going through in school. He needs direction for his life and there's nothing wrong with where he's at now, it's just not where you're at now. A relationship needs compatibility and your lives are going in different directions. He needs to focus on his own future more than anything at this stage in his life. He needs to determine his education goals and whether they support his relationship goals. Right now they don't and the sooner he realizes this the sooner he'll start doing something about it.

    You shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with him. You lives are heading in different directions and what he needs most is to focus on how to obtain the means to sustain the kind of relationship he wants to end up with in the long term. He's probably an okay guy but like most guys he's thinking emotionally and not realistically. You are a very beautiful girl and he'll probably take it hard but I guess that's the price you pay for being so good looking. Guys go crazy for good-looking girls and don't always see the practical things that are needed to keep one. I hope this helps.
     
  3. LtRoarke

    LtRoarke Guest

    It does, actually. Thanks for reading. We're going to some churchy conferenece thingy on Saturday with his friends, so I'm hoping that maybe sometime I'll get to talk to him alone about our "directions". I wont break up with him until I get his thoughts. If we decide that we're just going two different ways, then that'll be that, I guess. I'll be alone and have nobody. But, I guess I can always get somebody at school. I absolutely hate being alone. And I really do love this guy...but his life isn't what I can handle right now. After college, yes, but not during. I need a relationship that does not totally stress me out, and a guy who can afford to drive for 30 mintues see me for Christs sake!!! I hate life. I might cry now. I'm still confused, but you actually did help me. Thanks.

    (Does anybody else have any thoughts?)
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2006
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