errr sure... helps?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blehsmuh, Jan 30, 2010.

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  1. Blehsmuh

    Blehsmuh New Member

    Well.... people say talking helps. Good luck me.
    So yeah i've basically felt like this (super udder crap who dosn't think living the next day is worth it) since about 6 years or so.. anyway.. i really don't know what else to say... i am probably better off then most of you... but i just feel like no one really cares.... Well, this is going to just be a confused ramble until i can finally post what the hell is wrong with me.. but yeah... its really sad actually... and by sad i mean... "he is like this for that? Gtfo" but...different people... different things i suppose >.>
  2. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    We won't judge you like that here! Whatever is hurting you is a horrble thing, and needs to be let out...

    I used to not talk a lot and opening up really does help...

    So, what's making you feel this way? What's wrong?
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    we all have different tolerance levels for what we can deal with. no one here will look down on you for you feeling the way you do
  4. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    You must the reasons that are upsetting you for me to help. I am no expert in psychology but I can try to resolve your situations the best I can. I have had quite of early life experiences that matured me beyond m yearies.
  5. Blehsmuh

    Blehsmuh New Member

    Whats hurting me is my self... is disgusting that i allow this crap to get to me... but i guess its bound to... I dono... i suppose i live a life of "joy" i have friends, family... but i still feel like crap.... well...

    lets just say i am paranoid about every thing about me... so looking the way i do does not help my thinking... basically... i told my family when i was in middle school that i didn't want to live and commit suicide and crap... went to therapist to get help... and that didn't work, but i learned to lie... like really well. that or no one cares to notice. either way i stopped going saying i was fine. but it stuck with me..

    i start feeling like i shouldn't bother with life every time my am not preoccupied with anything... so that is basically.. traveling to and from school/classes, and when i try to sleep. which sucks, 'cause i have sleeping problems. i mean like.. i won't stab myself.. hanging actually sounds a good way >.> but every time the subway comes blasting past me i just kinda smile thinking some one gently nudges me and well... yeah >.>

    I dono, i feel like telling anyone is a terrible idea. just because like. i actually don't know... this really sucks. man this is really annoying trying to talk here. but i just want to either die, or get better... but getting better just seems like...Crap.....

    As a closing... Can i ask what you guys do if you want to cry? 'cause i really can't cry... and i am hoping after i cry i will feel a lot better.. but every time i try somthing... i mentally slap my self saying "screw that.... keep playing sharades.. pretend like your fine... keep drudging on.... pretend like your fine... no one would care anyways....." so yeah.... how can i cry basically?

    thanks in advance btw >.<
  6. becki

    becki Active Member

    private msg me we can talk for a minute...before anything permanent?
  7. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    Huh. I was the same way in middleschool, I told my mom I was suicidal, she took me to a therapist... and I lied to get out of there.
    That's not really a good thing to do for people who want help. It can be really hard to open up sometimes, but letting it all out helps LOTS. You're doing good by talking here, and I'm sure some family or friends or anyone would be glad to talk to you... and/or you can talk here anytime. I understand that it's hard but.. it's better than to keep everything bottled up inside.

    What exactly is hurting you, though?

    Oh, and when I feel like I need to cry, I listen to sad songs or something... and just let it all out..
  8. Blehsmuh

    Blehsmuh New Member

    I tried the Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah song, and that got me on the verge a couple of times... but the mental slap is always there...
  9. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    Try to just allow yourself to cry.. try not to think too much about the mental slap..??

    It relieves a lot of the sadness afterward...

    Do you want to talk about exactly what's bothering you, though?

    (Btw, Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs :eek:hmy:)
  10. Blehsmuh

    Blehsmuh New Member

    I figured it out! I don't want myself to be happy! it hit me on the way home today! for some retarded reason. i just don't want to be happy! hahahaha awesome.. >.>
  11. PerfectlyMurdered

    PerfectlyMurdered Well-Known Member

    Why not? :eek:hmy: Do you think you don't deserve happiness? Cause you do!!
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