errr yeh..me moaning

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jigman, Aug 30, 2007.

  1. jigman

    jigman Member

    hey..its realy late or early mourning shud i say..an i jus found this site and realy thought puting my thoughts down wud help,thanks if your reading. the last few weeks..i jus seem to be reaching breaking point..i litterally hav nufin or no one..it seems ive lost all connection wiv people closest to me.
    My family life is killing me..my father is an alcholic and has not worked due to his mental illness 'depression'..i hav 2 sisters and a mother too..an we hav all been effected it seems from living wiv this man..he has cauzed alot of pain over the years and ive had years of protecting my mum an shaking wiv fear as this 19 stone man is threatening to kill her and me..havin r mum in tears an yrs of having the police restrain him after long sessions of repetative notions on wot he was goin to do to r mum has severly effected us all. im the youngest in the family at home..and i seemed to hav been dealing wiv it all beta than everyone..i felt like i was the only sane one.but wiv my father side of family nt suporting him and as he has no one accept his wife his son an his 2 daughters..wen he hits rock bottom an achohol sinks in..he has simply nufin to lose..an thats wots so scary. It happens about 5 times a yr..few week spell each time of the fightin..i do blame my mother fo nt leaving him the 1st time he layed a hand on her.but now she is a old broken women it seems ..an wud neva leave him. my sisters both hav issues resultin from these yrs.
    that wasnt even what i wanted to talk about on this..
    I am 19 now..i quit my college course which was a massive mistake..but my parents hav neva pushed me to do anything i wanted..it was my choice but i wish they would of tried harder keep me aspiring to somthing. i now work full time..and ive lost alot of contact wiv my friends..i dont really see any of them these days..some of whom closest now having girlfriends an such..
    I became besotted wiv a girl at my last job..for about a yr i was pretty sure she liked me..and i am one of the nicest people you will ever meet..i would neva do anything to hurt anyone and id go out of my way to help anyone..id rather someone else be hapy than me. this girl was perfect..i loved her an it came to point were at my works christmas do.i tried my hardest to look gud an feel gud..i managed to get talkin to her all nite..until someone sed..'ur boyfriend in the marines or something aint he??' i was devastated..i gav up hope then..my heart sunk...took me a long time to get over that..i would of asked her out sooner if it wasnt for the CIRCUMCISION i had to have..serious..i feel ive been delt a rough hand..
    yeh had to hav circumcision..and that was very traumatic for a 18 yr old..especially as i didnt tell parent til day of operation

    now at my current work become best friends kinda wiv the prettiest girl in the place..she is beautiful.i spend about 3 hours wiv her all day..but i findin it extremely difficult..as i realy like her..an as i say desperated for this love lark..she is one of the cool kids so to speak..an im more of a nice kid who all the moms luv..an i hav people constantely asking me if ive asked her out or is somthing goin on..an its like its being thrown in my face..r they saying i hav a chance wiv this girl..who to be honest i dont even particulary like as she is nt to be frank..a bit of a bitch.lol..i laugh at my depression..i really just hav learnt to laugh at everything..but it seems am at breaking point. oh an this girl is the bigest flirt i hav eva met..she teases me constantely hinting r 'romance'. and it does hurt wen i hav no one an neva hav realy..and yes she is leaving to make it worse..so then i will hav noo one.
    i go to work come home go to work..my weekends consist of me stayin in..i hav one friend realy an we spend r time talkin bout r depresin week..an laughin at each other..i been mostly in bed for few days now wen nt working..an i close to breaking point..i jus cant do this constant cycle any more.. i dont talk to my family realy as they make me feel worse..i put on this act that im okay to everyone i meet..u cudnt tell am depressed lookin at me..im afraid am turning into a recluse..and bein alone ..im lonely now but its only guna get worse..ive had suicidal thoughts alot recentely more than ever...
    just seems unfair that this is how my life is..i neva done anything to hurt anyone..ive looked after people closest to me..ive had alot to deal wiv personally..an ud fink it wud even itself out..but it hasnt..im alone depressed an dreading life an the mornin..

    i just read that back and am sory for terrible grammar an the whole thing really..i hate conplaining and moaning as there are plenty of people worse off..but i seem to be serounded by the lucky people..who hav friends galore ..relation ships and great lifes in general..wer as im jus counting the days down.wishin i had someone..i think its too late already at my age..i just think i couldnt cope wiv a relationship.i wudnt kno wot to do..
    i duno..its all negative thoughts..i hav no positives..sory if someone achually read this..
     
  2. dumdumgurl

    dumdumgurl Well-Known Member

    the grass is alwas greene on the othersdie someday. just like we women like being "rescued" by men like you we als aren't ssure you are re te real deal on the walking dead lne and see i just wish it was 20 years ago to walk on the positie sign thatt. all if all she actef was self asborgd ad ineseskeep the car in coninuous motin an push push the old batalacks outi've hae some really nie paybacks but i was so dmn sigh :if icoul measue ofgirl hopes andreams iwoouldifidoudd fl i'd pik yselfup and carry your lardass with me.i' a true believerin lvea the ew ige ahae
    allaiwheeto movr around in (sympampath votes you cfould't gtmet PAY YOU enouggtget them. kay timeto go tbed it'stimeoi geger gofy alughatte elatwwease te 4 year ihaen'been e even lef ygdaedgttehy eeepeftingalitlebig(

    had a dream wa washingef f m ar an lrrai a egg and asfaaocamtepp, mergists a helikouen the ppportonnty to ye ornl'laugh usully butnright ntnow00i'm not even typign einglish anymreand that's cause i'musing just rigt imentinoed,i'mtieedd thiswtyffthis wa more lightngstfgetsinnaiel ou stogein a stalmnke.igttegll issntssemkan'ttmaginetpingad drivingi'mhvingardtimetyping andkepin m ees i'm sre if it wasanema ,,aking theonly mess ofm jeans! well i'm at my wits endsandi'msuretherearen'tmanpeplou thtee hat fnntects usto ramingamand a gd his to!so how arethingsgoingfr you as you can see my yping andkeeping and eye pe is mbgessed prblemofniseandnnt.frieendswh knw gut iknwwean'tntinue9%5 an%% NT FAir on jonathan'spart and it willbet ltesono. why dont men realizeifthey blurtit ut it'sttereandthnyou cn fixiorignoriandlivelthe wa it isbut igie bothe parties"CHOICES"
    here'sacichoictgtbed.m0tu t

    this gotreally messy fer this so istopped and put you to theenofyou missery.i'ts2:30 ANYAYANTIMETOSEEIFGDWILLLETMY SPIRIITGUIDGETUSHREDTJHE ROOM WHEN I SLEEP.EVERFEELYOUSELF *jump* THAT'S YOU'R BDY RENTERGNOTSSTAU;U;;;

    just had more botoxdonelastweek and hementionedpainstuffbeingputint itsi'llmentinittothemihad threebadattackdsandithinki'tsthestresandnwthis lastpackageandihaemadeadealwillgodU.S.deliveriesonl because it's not worhtthe headahe.smeone(you...saidoc8th) and gocasaid(oct7).ididasthehea hittersandtoldthemthemdidn'tnedt post onlinesothat the din'tgetalistofdearaby quesionsanialsapologizedtotikanaformy intrusion. soi sent ot "feele"messwad 5 havecmebackyesbt....andwellijustgtthe ut i emaiedthecompany andthey sai thatonea onecustomsseizesalmosteverthing and nothing getstrhough. no she didn'tsuggestitbut it was suggested gyt he woman who gavemetetip,they hae your money an so whatdo do the carethesepeoplealreay sentmeoutatraking number yesterday and the 14day waitinperiodisn'tover.seitherthy are sickof or area very unqieu scamartistandihope that'snothecase.goca sawa partial refundandidn'twantthateith forafew presonalresons.oh andradu didanswerandhesaidmybedelay with pakgeandwelltherealeayhasbebecauseitcould havebeen herebutthath the packageandishouldmeetup. whatdo you tinkdo ou tink i shoul havedrewcarey the newguy on theprice isrighthaveahorrble speedbump andbrokenlegsonnhifirstday of his accidentsandijus"happen"to be there; scorp riser inme

    thin you wereborninthemid60s too butimisssome of thosoldreruns and can't affrd cableight nw. i sparing use cleaning spies and nedx weekit'stupposed t be goodweather.icanopenthesliderandgetsmeiaranairtheapartentout andmanybe unstickmy keyboard keys.
    smiles andsmiles to yo i knw his i s a part 2 or 3
    jag
     
  3. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel,my father is alchoholic too,i had to live with him for all this years. I also don't have a gf,and i am pretty alone too,that depresses me so much. If you ever want to talk i am here to listen.
     
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't give up on hope. Your 19 and still have sooo much ahead of you. Have you ever considered going to university? You don't need to go at a young age, it's more common these days for people in there early or mid 20's to go. Maybe save up some money, get a student loan out and go for it.

    As for your father, have you guys tried to get him to see a professional?

    You seem very genuine and to be honest, that girl who apparentley had a boy friend, well it's best you let that go since how would you like it if your girl friend considered going out with someone else. As for that other girl who is a major flirt, it's all entirely up to you since she's single and all.
     
  5. RunningAway

    RunningAway Well-Known Member




    :blink: :blink:



    Jigman

    I read your post hun and I am here if you ever would like to speak with anyone.

    :hug:
     
  6. jigman

    jigman Member

    cheers guys an gals..i jus up an down constantely in emotions..an it is eatin away at me....this has helped an i didnt think id feel beta..but i do feel beta knowin otha peeps achually go through tis shit..
    i wud luv to go uni...tat wud get rid of alot of my probs..movin out..new friends..new hope..but i cant c it hapenin..i nt very accidemic..an neva really wanted to anythin..
    an my dad hasnt had help realy..hes on medication...im surprized he hasnt killed himself to be honest..hes got no life wotsoeva..its kinda sad..but shud neva av been aloud to affect the the kids..i dont think ther wud be a harder person to deal wiv than him wen hes tanked up on alchohol..and hes locked the dors...taken car keys..its jus the only control he can get in his life..i fink it is to late fo him..hell die one day from the drink...but i fink he probly affected me an my sisters alot for rest of r lives..an my mum...she is jus a bit of a rek..she shudnt eva hav put up wiv it..shes been through hell..
    i dont wanna tell me 2 closest friends bout am lookin at suicide like as serious thought..coz i dont wanna burden them..an tbh..if i did it..id do it wivout a thought one random day..thats way i am..
    an as fo da ladies..i cant begin to describe how much i loved this girl..an she liked me i jus knew it....worse fing eva was a college at tis work..told me tat she sed'she thinks ur cute' an i was jumpin for joy..ive neva been happier..i was baisically plannnin the weddin in my hed..ahah..an i was givin him man hugs coz i was so happy an everything..an then i sed'if u wer lyin now id go mental'an he sed'i am' an he let me beleave it for hours..an i cuda killed him..was unbeleivable...so cruel..
    the girl tat flirtin wiv me..an everyone asks'is out goin on'is nufin like i want really..its jus lust i tink..she a bit of a bitch tbh..but i av no one else...

    i jus had a massive head ake for bout 5 days..think am jus goin crazy..ive been down in da past but neva this down....people percieve me as a lad who has had a great upbringin..spoilt..posh even....i jus hav got gud manners..an i neva been spoilt..an ive had to cope wiv everythin wiv me family since i can remember...an i jus a shy guy who wud neva conplain or moan..but now i can c it has achually affected me..im shocked an apauled..thanks for responses guys...its really nice of you to go out ur way to respond..i really do apreciate it
     
  7. jigman

    jigman Member

    cheers guys an gals..i jus up an down constantely in emotions..an it is eatin away at me....this has helped an i didnt think id feel beta..but i do feel beta knowin otha peeps achually go through tis shit..
    i wud luv to go uni...tat wud get rid of alot of my probs..movin out..new friends..new hope..but i cant c it hapenin..i nt very accidemic..an neva really wanted to do anythin..
    an my dad hasnt had help realy..hes on medication...im surprized he hasnt killed himself to be honest..hes got no life wotsoeva..its kinda sad..but shud neva av been aloud to affect his kids..i dont think ther wud be a harder person to deal wiv than him wen hes tanked up on alchohol..and hes locked the dors...taken car keys..its jus the only control he can get in his life..i fink it is to late fo him..hell die one day from the drink...but i fink he probly affected me an my sisters alot for rest of r lives..an my mum...she is jus a bit of a rek..she shudnt eva hav put up wiv it..shes been through hell..no one really knows bout it cept the household..and his family
    i dont wanna tell me 2 closest friends bout the fact im lookin at suicide as serious thought..coz i dont wanna burden them..an tbh..if i did it..id do it wivout a thought one random day..thats way i am..im very laid back an wudnt hesitate to throw a few pills down me throat
    an as fo da ladies..i cant begin to describe how much i loved this girl..an she liked me i jus knew it....worse fing that happend was a college at tis work..told me tat she sed'she thinks ur cute' an i was jumpin for joy..ive neva been happier..i was baisically plannnin the weddin in my hed..ahah..an i was givin him man hugs coz i was so happy an everything..an then i sed'if u wer lyin now id go mental'an he sed'i am' an he let me beleave it for hours..an i cuda killed him..was unbeleivable...so cruel..
    the girl tat flirtin wiv me..an everyone asks'is out goin on'is nufin like i want really..its jus lust i tink..she a bit of a bitch tbh..but i av no one else...

    i jus had a massive head ake for bout 5 days..think am jus goin crazy..ive been down in da past but neva this down....people percieve me as a lad who has had a great upbringin..spoilt..posh even....i jus hav got gud manners..an i neva been spoilt..an ive had to cope wiv everythin wiv me family since i can remember...an i jus a shy guy who wud neva conplain or moan..but now i can c it has achually affected me..im shocked an apauled..thanks for responses guys...its really nice of you to go out ur way to respond..i really do apreciate it