Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by booklovr, Feb 15, 2016.

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  1. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Oh lord .o sweet lord.
    Please pleease please I need to die.
    I want to die.
    I don't want to live anymore...oh lord please..
    Its too hard its too much.
    I've made a mess of everything.
    My mother hates me..i can't stand the look in her eyes..
    Her words cruel and TRUE have pierced me like shards of pointed glass.
    Oh lord..sweet lord please please.please.
    I need to die.i can't live anymore....itll be so beautiful...if I can just die.
    I can leave.i can cut off the rope im dangling by.
    Her words are sharp.
    They've broken esteem.confidence.are non existent.oh god sweet lord please.
    *written through eyes blurred with tears*
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi hun, why does your mother hate you? What's going on?
  3. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Dearest god , I beg of you
    A favour from my heart
    A final wish, a last desire
    Transient bliss apart.

    For I have sinned beyond repair
    And I have longed beyond despair
    I have wronged the ones who care
    Please listen to my humble prayer.

    The wish ain't big the task ain't hard,
    Let this just be , my one last card
    For all I ask,from you with ease
    If for my existence to quickly cease.

    I don't deserve this privelege of life,
    I yearn to be beyond this strife.
    Its a hard toil,a mindless chase,
    With a foretold end,beyond the haze.

    It has beautiful things and knowledge galore
    Which tempts the heart and yearns for more.
    But the climb is high and the footholds steeping
    And the pleasures that one hold but fleeting

    They speak of love,but it ain't that plain,.
    For it holds the blame for the worst of pains.
    For when its TRUE,it escapes our eyes
    But the grief of its absence makes us cry

    Poetic block ...i guess
  4. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Because I've failed her....
    I'm good for nothing..
    and the dreams and hopes she attached
    To me are sinking
  5. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    WHY the fuck am I writing fucking poems??????!!!! whats wrong with me??!
    this is so stupid..:'(
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    How have you failed her? You should do want you want to do, not what someone else wants you to do.
  7. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I am so sorry for the way things are with your mom,:(
    Your poems are not stupid at all, you have a very good talent, and you being good for nothing is not true, I don't know you, but I've read some of your posts, you are very good at writing.
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* these poems are beautiful. You have a way with words!

    But I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Sometimes it's easier to express yourself in poetry and that's okay. Do what you need to do.
    I'm sorry to hear what's going on with your mother. I know how it can hurt when your own mother treats you that way. Like it's already been said, you should listen to what you want to do, rather what someone else wants, especially if they express themselves in a way that hurts you so much

    But hang in there! Stay strong, keep doing what you need to do to feel better.
    booklovr likes this.
  9. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    No, you have not failed her as long as you keep on going and have breath in your lungs. Once you make the conscious decision to quit (stop living), is when you truly have failed - yourself, more than anyone else. Just remember that the dreams you speak of are your mother's dreams, not yours. She may have given birth to you, but it is your live to live as you please, not for someone else to project their own ambitions upon.

    Poems can be an outlet for your emotions - if they calm you or soothe you in any way when writing and posting them, then do not stop and let the words flow (take it from a fellow writer).
  10. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    oh vaz.....
    Okay. I understand...
    But do you mean to confirm that sucide is cowardly?
  11. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Suicide is cowardly, it's harsh to say so, but it is. You end your own struggle by running away from it, and pass it on to someone else.

    The strong thing to do is to stay and fight, to ask for help to get better.
    booklovr likes this.
  12. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Hugs phantomlady
    Thank you .
    My mother...she just needs to vent..and her words find their mark in me.
    Later she apologizes sometimes even cries with me.
    She gathers fury fast and both me and her act in the heat of the moment.
    I'm more clearheaded now so I can analyse this.
    But it is hard to not feel pain at sharp words of someone you love.

    thanks again phantmlady....
  13. neuroticism

    neuroticism Member

    It seems that nothing is wrong with you. You have the gift of words. Never forget that.
  14. Williamstuckinarut

    Williamstuckinarut Well-Known Member

    Hi booklovr do you know why your poems aren't stupid to me? I can't stand reading long walls of text, your verses instead are neat and go straight to the point :)
    booklovr likes this.
  15. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    thank you William
    I never thought these helped...i just Thor U ppl wud be like wtf this bitch writing poems again...
    But I really really appreciate your encouragment....and accordingly wudnt hesitate to write more....thanks!
  16. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Thank you so very much.=D
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