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Escaping this terrible turmoil...

#1
I don't know how to deal with my thoughts of wanting to leave this earth, I wish there was a shut down button
I could just press and be gone ! I am struggling to come to terms with my stupidity as 4 years ago I was told
I had glaucoma and needed treatment but I was in the process of moving abroad and so did nothing about,
my eyesight was perfect for 4 years, suddenly overnight I've now lost vision ! It has turned my world upside down..
All the things I enjoyed doing which need perfect sight has been destroyed...nothing can be done for my lost vision..
I see constant lights and shapes in my vision in bizzerre creatures my damaged vision conjures up ! And this is all because
I ignored my diagnosis of a sight loss disease...It has really affected my marriage as I can't really drive anymore and my
wife loves traveling!
I can't sleep at night with the guilt I feel that I am responsible for damaging my sight..I can't face years and years of struggling with this
guilt....and my wife needs a fully fit functional man and I'm not that anymore...
I just want to escape this now horrible life !
 
#3
I don't know how to deal with my thoughts of wanting to leave this earth, I wish there was a shut down button
I could just press and be gone ! I am struggling to come to terms with my stupidity as 4 years ago I was told
I had glaucoma and needed treatment but I was in the process of moving abroad and so did nothing about,
my eyesight was perfect for 4 years, suddenly overnight I've now lost vision ! It has turned my world upside down..
All the things I enjoyed doing which need perfect sight has been destroyed...nothing can be done for my lost vision..
I see constant lights and shapes in my vision in bizzerre creatures my damaged vision conjures up ! And this is all because
I ignored my diagnosis of a sight loss disease...It has really affected my marriage as I can't really drive anymore and my
wife loves traveling!
I can't sleep at night with the guilt I feel that I am responsible for damaging my sight..I can't face years and years of struggling with this
guilt....and my wife needs a fully fit functional man and I'm not that anymore...
I just want to escape this now horrible life !
Are you sure that nothing can be done? What about getting another opinion.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#4
I'm so sorry to hear of your story, @Nolunny . . . I think, if there is a way, to "forgive yourself!" (Then that would be good...) As we all wish we could go back in time and correct our mistakes. I'm sure had you known then, what you know now, you'd have reacted or behaved differently (done what the doc's advised). It is a fairly routine, or common thing to not take things that are said to us by the eye doctor (or optometrist) & dentist too seriously, because we so often pay them visits for our regular exams, that it can become a bit like excessive infomercials, or something! Or, at least that's how it is with me - in one ear & out the other... Just curious, did you go & see an ophthalmologist, or any other eye specialist for your care? Not that - that might make much difference, now (I understand).

In any event it is not worth dying over, or for. Yes, I know it sucks. Life is shitty, or shit at best sometimes, and if your wife has now fallen out of either favor, or love with you then that is truly a sad fact, or reality that you may have to come to grips with. Easy for me to say, I know... But as unfortunate as it is, Life changes; or is always evolving, often when we least expect or want it to. Anyway, what I am saying is that you could get over this (whatever the outcome, relationship, wise) too. It is possible- even if it doesn't seem like it now. There are members of this very site, who are without (their) sight. Also, it may be that you're being a little (or a lot) too hard on yourself over the events that have befallen. Completely & perfectly understandable; were I to put myself in your shoes. Seems a very "human," thing to do! But, could it be, that @Anonymous ID is also right? In her assessment (of things)? I don't know, but wishing you the best: that is, the very best, either or any way (it turns out!). Keep leaning on us, in the meantime, if you find that at all to be helpful. :)
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
welcome to SF @Nolunny we are a peer community that cares but never judges. first thing to do is try to do anything that will help to improve your sight and make sure it doesn't get any worse. at our age parts of our bodies start to fail , that comes with age. and yes you should have taken care of it 4 years ago but that has passed now. all you can do is try your best and move forward.

and as for your wife if she loves you it doesn't matter if you have vision issues. you can still have a very rich life together. i have many health issues which cause me to do a lot less than i used to. my wife has to help me with some things. i felt guilty at first but finally realized that she didn't care because she loved me, not what i can do. i try as hard as i can to make our lives rich and full. you can do the same.

i hope you can move forward and start to enjoy life with your wife again...mike...*console*sadhug*shake
 

KM76710

SWCA3110-SWHF625
SF Supporter
#6
Hello and welcome. Hopefully there can be or found a treatment that can help for you. Fear of blindness is one of the few things that scare me. Wishing you the best for your vision and life with your wife and that there may be improvement for you in the future and to take care of yourself and your family.
 

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