I still want to self harm. It's been at least half a year since I last self harmed, maybe longer but it's still there and it just doesn't go away. A bad day that leaves me curled up in my room and just crying and its there's and calling and tempting but I don't because I don't want to hurt the butterflies. I can do it, I tell myself, I can put down the razor and find something else but nothing, there is nothing that makes everything feel as better as cutting does, and that makes it feel like such an irrestiable temptation. Like, just cut and the pain will go away, just cut and feel something else, just do it, it'll make things better. Even though it won't, but it still feels like that and I can't stop myself. I'm on Paxil now and the depression is going away (is it? I can't tell if I'm just fooling mself) but the self harming urge is still there and I just can't deal with it. Even though I know theres other ways, I know it's dumb and stupid and I shouldn't I just can't stop from wanting it and feeling like I need it. How do I deal with this? Do the feelings ever go away? I'm just gonna shut up and stop ranting now.