even being in a relationship, i feel so alone, afraid, and misunderstood

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TooShyToScream, Feb 10, 2011.

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  1. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Why is this happening? I see my fiance every night and morning, at the very least. He texts me throughout the day, always tells me he loves me, etc. So why do I feel so scared? Why do I feel like it could all be ruined one day? Why do I need so much reasssurance that he cares? Why am I so analytical of every little thing? I just don't know. I feel alone and afraid -- even though there's no reason to be. Somehow, some way, I guess I expect to be let down.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you thought perhaps getting therapy to help you deal with all this insecurity you feel. It is there for a reason so maybe getting help to deal with it and lessen its power over you will help you feel more comfortable with yourself hugs
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    If you are depressed no matter who is around you you can be very lonely. Part of your illness makes you analytical of everything and needing reassurance. Try not to read too much in to it.

    What are you doing during the day etc?

  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    It's not a mystery why you feel this way - you know yourself that depression MAKES us insecure.

    Often as not the symptoms are allowed to take hold as we don't know what is happening.

    Once you do know, you'll still struggle for a while whenever you feel down - but knowing about it and accepting it is part of the struggle. I'm not saying 'accept it' in the sense its always ging to be with you (it's not) but accepting you have it is like accepting your tooth is hurting so bad that you really need help.

    Be in denial and you are in trouble - you'll tread water for maybe decades (people used to do that due to lack of knowledge in the public realms). Be thankful you know what is wrong at the basic level. I wish I would have known, but to be honest all we had was a library and trust me, reading Freud and all the rest of those 'great' thinkers just made it worse! You feel down but after reading those high brow books you wonder if you actually have several dozen different conditions.

    Anyhow, I digress, and back to your questions...

    You are lucky you have a man who loves you. The 'insecure' part of you maybe does not see it all the time but he knows about your troubles and is still there for you. It helps a lot to have someone like that - it is not a necessity but most people I guess would like someone to love. You have that much, so try to see that positive and enjoy your relationship.

    Every woman needs reassurance - so do men. Needing it all the time is not healthy for us or the person we demand it from. But, when you are down there is nothing wrong with expecting a kind word - or a kind text as its way cheaper to text a women.(cheapskate but better than sending a pigeon with a message) We don't want to bankrupt ourselves with a few hours of chat on the phone per day.
    Love is supposed to be free!

    Anyhow, try not to dwell on negatives - busy yourself as much as you can. A routine might be boring but not as boring as a routine which does not get you out each day. Study. house chores, shopping, visiting anyone close and so on. Work is good if you have it - OK, its boring perhaps, but that routine of getting up, getting out and socialising with fellow workers ought to be a positive thing.

    Maybe you should do a parachute jump for charity.

    I'll bet that for most here - no matter how inside yourself you might be - a jump at 20,000 feet or whatever you jump from, bet that would shake your apathy away. And more impotently for people here - you would PRAY all the way down that parachute opens!

    I once hung 900 feet in the air - I held onto the steel beam like I was embracing a women. More so actually.

    Anyhow, I'm talking all over the place now, but trust me, your not losing it and your insecurity is a natural progression in life as well as being a downside of depression. Too much insecurity is no good, but you know that and I'm sure that you can deal with it through whatever route might be suggested here and by your doctor.

    The next time your feeling a bit better - treat your fiancée to a nice meal and chat about the way you are and how he feels about being with a women like that. I'm telling you straight that EVERY women has some kind of fault if you hang around long enough. So do us men! But there are faults and faults. Some women have major flaws of character, they might be mean spirited, vain, or downright cheats who will play a man like a piano. She may be cruel to kids, reckless with money, rude or wicked enough to put rat poison in the curry.

    Many women have either suffered from or have depression - to varying degrees. As long as they are kind hearted, honest, cordial to your friends and kin and good with children and animals, most men would trade that 'fault' of depression with the myriad of character faults in which people make a choice to be bad in some way. Depression is not a character fault - its just a part of you and the many other facets of a women's character are parts also. You come across as ticking a lot of the good things to be - your not mean by nature and quite a pleasant person who just needs to be a bit at ease with herself and those around her. That will come!

    Good luck and try to keep positive rather than ponder all the negative things that might happen!
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Maybe just try not to be so paranoid? Just take things one day at a time and believe that everything will work out okay. :hug:
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