As an insomniac, I find myself up late at night pondering my life and the things in it. So many times I have tried to kill myself or stopped caring if I would die. I have often felt that anywhere would be better than here. I've found myself thinking that I could give my life to be somewhere else. But, that leads me to the afterlife. As a person with no belief in God, I find this topic hard to explain to myself. I have come to describe myself as an Agnostic. Someone who doesn't believe in a God but doesn't deny the possibility. If I were to die right now--self inflicted or naturally--where would I come to be? I have grown acustomed to the idea of having my own little place in my head. A place I can go to find peace in a world that is otherwise unbearable. It is the place I have gone to even as a little girl, running away from the destructive thoughts, words, or actions of others. But, if I were to leave my body, would I also lose that safe place as well? In my head, we are all just organisms. No Heaven or Hell. No Reincarnation. Just a speck of bacteria on an insignificant pebble in our universe. But with this thought in mind, why even keep on living? If I am as insignificant as I make myself feel, why not end it all and relieve myself of the constant pain? I know that this topic has been the one that has been able to stump the most amazing philosophers. Every scientist on this planet has stumbled upon life's biggest puzzle. Where do we go when we die? Will I meet 5 people that will explain my purpose for living? Will I find judgement there? Will I meet up with family and friends that have passed before me? Will I be given another life to live? Will I be able to feel, think, or see how I've been able to before? Or will I just simply return my energy and matter to the universe and never have another thought? That concept is incredibly hard to grasp. No feeling. No memory. No light. No dark. No thoughts. No desires. No personality. No friends, family, or strangers. No existance oncesoever. I am rambling. I can feel it. But, when life gets tough, it's easy to contemplate my place in the world. If it isn't worth it, then why am I still here. If it's such a gift, why do I hate it so much.