Even if I did succeed, where would I go?

As an insomniac, I find myself up late at night pondering my life and the things in it.

So many times I have tried to kill myself or stopped caring if I would die. I have often felt that anywhere would be better than here. I've found myself thinking that I could give my life to be somewhere else.

But, that leads me to the afterlife.

As a person with no belief in God, I find this topic hard to explain to myself. I have come to describe myself as an Agnostic. Someone who doesn't believe in a God but doesn't deny the possibility. If I were to die right now--self inflicted or naturally--where would I come to be?

I have grown acustomed to the idea of having my own little place in my head. A place I can go to find peace in a world that is otherwise unbearable. It is the place I have gone to even as a little girl, running away from the destructive thoughts, words, or actions of others.

But, if I were to leave my body, would I also lose that safe place as well?

In my head, we are all just organisms. No Heaven or Hell. No Reincarnation. Just a speck of bacteria on an insignificant pebble in our universe. But with this thought in mind, why even keep on living? If I am as insignificant as I make myself feel, why not end it all and relieve myself of the constant pain?

I know that this topic has been the one that has been able to stump the most amazing philosophers. Every scientist on this planet has stumbled upon life's biggest puzzle. Where do we go when we die?

Will I meet 5 people that will explain my purpose for living?
Will I find judgement there?
Will I meet up with family and friends that have passed before me?
Will I be given another life to live?
Will I be able to feel, think, or see how I've been able to before?

Or will I just simply return my energy and matter to the universe and never have another thought?

That concept is incredibly hard to grasp.
No feeling.
No memory.
No light.
No dark.
No thoughts.
No desires.
No personality.
No friends, family, or strangers.
No existance oncesoever.


I am rambling. I can feel it. But, when life gets tough, it's easy to contemplate my place in the world. If it isn't worth it, then why am I still here.

If it's such a gift, why do I hate it so much.

 

I think about this a lot. I wonder if I am better off just offing myself and getting to the next stage. It's bound to happen eventually.

I'm scared to know what happens. Maybe it's just "nothing" like we feel when we are in our mothers womb...?

 

"Where we go after" is i think largely what you believe in relgious wise and something that every person has contemplated.I for one would love to no,but i am not that eager to find out just yet hehe.I have given a lot of thought towards that subject but find i just dont no.I certainly hope it is more than just oblivion.

 

Read some of the stories here: www.near-death.com

Hope it helps.

 

"In my head, we are all just organisms. No Heaven or Hell. No Reincarnation. Just a speck of bacteria on an insignificant pebble in our universe."

Bacteria are really fascinating when you study them. Our 'insignificant pebble' is truly mindblowing when you think about it too.

They are only insignificant if you choose to see them that way.

 

riz

Right lira the new Will or four Gospel

http: //www.biblecentre.org/

 

I agree with you there that it's hard to fully understand that concept. Although I did once, not with putting any real effort at it at all, but just totally at random. I still believe that anyone who isnt afraid of that kind of non existance just hasnt been able to understand it enough. I'm an atheist and have no real belief in any form of afterlife but I still hope there is something after all of this.

 

As someone who has had there share of mystical experiences I have come to the belief for myself that our consciousness survives physical death and that there is a non-physical realm or an afterlife. I don't know exactly what's on the other side, but it's something that gives me hope. Many moments I have felt my mother and my grandmother's presence around me in times of need. I don't believe that we are condemned or judged there or become some nebulous mist in the comos floating around in the vagueness.

If I was an atheist I would probably believe that everything goes " blank " and consciousness totally stops. No pain, no nothing. It is the end of suffering.

I understand both sides of the fence on this subject, and it just comes down to a matter of what you feel is the right thing for you.