Even lonelier after the attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by pinkpetals33, Aug 24, 2010.

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  1. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    I'm just walking on fine lines and emmersed in even more painful anguish....

    EVERYONE is distraught because their loved one is suicidal or attempted yet after the attempt, family and friends are the first to turn away and alienate us.

    It's been 4 months since my attempt and I feel worse than the initial feelings before the attempt. I've lost 99% of my friends-you could say 100% now, lost my job and getting yelled out from family for being "draining." I'm very amazed at how a suicide attempt can cause people to hate and alienate us.

    I finally found a psychiatrist who wants to actually treat me after being rejected so many times. He said these words "You're not going to be an easy patient for me...." Just validates what I've known all along of myself. Frustrating.....venting a little here.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It really pisses me off what the hell are they working for if they only want pts that are easy fixes meds then get out. People are suffering in all stages of their illness and to the doctors that only want to take the pts that are stable and compliant to their liking then you are not a ffff doctor you are just a dam med pusher. With the right doctor a doctor who is very intelligent but also caring all pts can be reached can be healed after years of people refusing to help my twin she found such a doctor one that gave her a chance that believed in her and that stabilized her. She is far from being healed but she is stable and without his care his compassion she too would have tried suicide again and again. I am sorry your family has turned their backs the pain for them i guess was too hard to see you did this they are protecting themselves
    their mental health. I hope this doctor that has chosen to take you as his pt shows you the compassion and care and gives you the ability to believe in yourself take careokay stay strong show them all you can conquer okay take care You are not alone not here okay because we do understand the loneliness the pain and we do not judge you
  3. I can totally relate.

    I tried to commit suicide when I was sixteen and I haven't talked to my mom since the whole thing which makes me feel so much angrier and hurt than I did before.

    But now I tried tried tried to get help and now i have noone around. I was trying to cry for help and nobody heard it. They all back off. I don't think I'm gonna make it. Everything gets to me. I'm bawling right now. I don't think I want to make it. I've never been good at any of this stuff anyhow. It's just not me. My boyfriend says he doesn't understand how I could love him when I treat him the way I treat him. That hurts so much. I didn't think I was treating him badly. I just don't know what to do.

    I need to pack up all my stuff and do it neatly before he gets back. Otherwise I might snap in front of him and hurt him worse. I feel so much guilt and shame. I don't want to be this way and I don't like telling people about it it makes me cry. My boyfriend thinks the tears are manipulation. It hurts to think that he might blame himself, I had a boyfriend commit suicide, I've been there, but then I think about how I felt about that person and I just don't think my boyfriend would hurt like that over me. It's just me. If it was going to hurt him, why'd he make it easier for me to do?

    Wow wow wow I need drugs or something.
  4. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    I felt more alone but mainly b/c I never trusted anyone enough to tell them about the most pronounced attempt and how EVERY SINGLE DAY I have to LITERALLY say aloud, "Don't kill yourself. Don't kill youself. Don't kill yourself". I didn't even tell my former psychologist. Reading this thread just emphasizes what I think of most people -- they're hypocrites and not worthy of trust. How could they turn their backs on any of us? To he// with all of them.
  5. Joey's sister

    Joey's sister Member

    Though I've never attempted suicide, I have had a lot of terrible drama to deal with in my life, and my friends and family have also accussed me of being "draining". My own mother often tell me that I'm "too much to deal with" and that she just needs to "turn off" from me when I get too intense. It is so incredibly hurtful to be rejected when you're down. I'm so very sorry that you are feeling so isolated and alone. I hope that you are able to find hope somewhere through all of this. There is so much that life has to offer.
  6. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Well no offense but "LIFE HAS TO OFFER????????????"

    That is one of the worst things to say to a forum full of DEPRESSED/SUICIDAL PEOPLE....our goal is to LEAVE/NEVER COME BACK because LIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
  7. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member


    :console: :cheekkiss :hug: :hugtackles:
  8. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    "You're not going to be an easy patient for me...."

    Heh. If I had a dime for every time I heard a variation on those words.....

    Okay. So your dr. thinks you're difficult. (All questions posed from here on are rhetorical and do not require an answer). How so? Does he think you are being resistent to treatment? Does he think you're playing games? Why? I'm taking a stab in the dark and guessing you don't trust this dr. and/or don't have a very good theraputic bond. If I'm right, is there anything either of you could do to strengthen this bond, or is it time for a new dr?

    I've had that statement said to me for a couple of reasons. 1) I didn't think I needed treatment, so why accept help? 2) I have a *really* hard time trusting people and the smallest slight or any anxiety producing moment can cause me to shut down completely. It takes hard work to get me to open up enough to where I will bond with anyone, let alone a theraputic bond.

    Friends and family usually turn away because they don't know how to react. Suicide is taboo, and its scary. Yes, some people pass judgement on it. But they are passing judgment because they are afraid of it, even if they don't realize that is why they are doing it. People are afraid of what they don't understand.

    And the real stinger of it all is I don't know how understanding your family is. My family may not understand, but they try. If your family wants, or is willing to TRY to understand....sit down with them. I'd reccomend individually, if you can handle it. Talk about it. Talk about their fears, your own. If you can, try to put your feelings in terms that THEY might understand. They won't be able to understand fully, but it can give them an idea. If they are having problems with your behavior...talk about the most static-free ways to handle it.

    As an example, I tend to isolate and hide when severely depressed or anxious. Through above conversations, people know that the best thing for all parties involved is to let me be for a few days. A phone call or two a day to check in [but please at least find a semi-reasonable excuse for
    the call] is fine..but otherwise, let me be for a few days. Let me come to you. People intervening just makes me worse, and them frustrated.

    And I'll stop rambling now.
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