even my dreams know the real me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Dec 18, 2013.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't remember dreams - before last night i couldn't tell you when the last one was

    dreams are supposed to be triggered by your subconscious, right? sift through everything that's going on in your mind and let it look at it is some way?

    last night, i dreamt that i was responsible for setting up a tech conference for a well known and respected group of people - apparently i had volunteered at the last one and my offer was accepted

    day of the conference everything went wrong - hardly any one showed up, social events canceled, hotel all screwed up

    it was all my fault and everyone who did come let me know it, at length and volume, at every turn

    i had nowhere to hide, no one to help - i was a complete and total fuckup

    then i woke up

    that feeling is still with me now - even my subconscious realizes what a loser i am

    my chest hurts - not a true physical pain - can't really describe it all that well - with every breath i take

    like my lungs don't want to do this any more and just want to stop
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, sweetie. :hug: Ugh. I've had dreams like that too. Not fun. Good news is that dreams are not reality - dreams just reflect our thoughts, impressions, ideas about things around us or things on our mind.

    Perhaps you are worried in general about many big responsibilities. Or maybe you are facing a lot of unknowns at the moment and you wonder how you will meet the challenges. Dreaming that bad things happen means that we are anxious about something, not necessarily that we are as bad as the dream makes us feel we are.

    I have seen you around here on SF for a long time now and I don't see you as a loser. I think your dream was about anxiety, not about your actual capabilities. Really. *nods*
     
  3. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    This is an incredible coincidence because one of my jobs in my early career was organizing tech conferences! I was such a complete failure at it that I quit within a couple months. I lost so much money for that company that it was ridiculous.

    So maybe you have had experiences in the past where you have made mistakes and that are disappointing and now you doubt yourself... and so your subconscious is playing that out and now you are laying your own interpretation of yourself over that.

    The reality is that we all have different levels of capabilities and just because you subconsciously feel like you could not organize a tech conference, does definitely not make you a "total" f'up. There are literally millions and millions of people who could not organize a tech conference... myself included!

    Life has mistakes, disappointments and difficulties. That is just how it is and it can be very painful, embarrassing and even humiliating. I have been there many, many times. However, I have learned that if you take the first step and take the effort to have some compassion and patience with yourself, then you can stop putting self-defeating labels on yourself for just being human. Then you can simply look at the emotional pain for what it is.

    Then you if you take the effort to release the underlying pain you can be on your way to some relief. You can write about it everyday, cry about it, talk about it, etc. Just give yourself a little break and let a small crack of kindness for yourself open up inside. Human life is precious and rare and that includes you, so I hope you feel better.
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    how long can any patience last?

    50+ years and i'm getting sick and tired

    every morning for the last few weeks my first coherent thought after i wake is that i need to die
     
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