even talking about it makes me feel childish

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LiquidSoap, Mar 13, 2014.

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  1. LiquidSoap

    LiquidSoap Member

    I am at wits end... It's made me greatly depressed and upset.
    I don't even know if this is in the right place...I am confused and upset.

    I've been depressed as of late for various reasons and amongst other things...

    ok... So I was taking a photo of the shopping centre roof, they were doing work on the place recently... a rather random and trivial picture, but since I was talking about it with parents as of late I decided to take a snap.

    Evening talking about this event, makes me feel soo childish
    This guy at this stand accuses me of taking a photo of him ( hes almost a pixel in the photo, size of a pin head)
    I told him i wasn't. and he said he saw me.. so i told him I was taking a photo of the roof, not you....

    I said dont want a photo of him. he threatens to ring secruity on me if i dont delete it, so I told him again.... I dont want photo of him. and walked off.... so i felt rather stupid and depressed because maybe i couldn't
    stick up for myself correctly even tho i didn't let him totally bully me.I lodged a complaint
    Even tho I have nothing to hide, I don't want people bothering me... I already was caught off guard by this....person.

    It got to me, really got to me probably due to my anxiety or the fact my OCD kept repeating the event in my head wishing i stuck up for myself better.
    I feel like if I can't stick up for myself? How the heck will I stick up for a loved one or something....

    I thought If I ever saw him again , i'd set myself straight with him
    funny enough I saw him again at a different store so I told him if he called security? (sarcastically)
    Then told him I would actually show him the picture in question ( u know...if he was so worried about it) but he refused probably thinking he knew he was in the wrong.
    Turned into something kind of childish so I walked away again feeling worse then before.

    but this thing .... that should of been a slight annoyence at best has put me into deep depression... i feel stupid and i cant even think straight, my anxiety has risen now, it's created a new anxiety where I don't even like my camera...and I love photography.... I am hopeless.

    Why has this of all things... turned me upside down into this mess that I can't come out... you would think a broken heart, past tragedies, a death, etc would do this but.. no...this of all things has turned me upside down and inside out....
    While I have experienced those things.. maybe this is just something that broke the camels back... i dont know
  2. chjones21

    chjones21 Well-Known Member

    I don't know if it is the same for you but I find any kind of confrontation emotionally difficult - particularly in situations where I meant no harm or offence so I am caught off-guard.

    I feel for you, it can be so unexpected and shocking really.

    It doesn't mean though that you won't stand up for family and friends --- that is a completely different kettle of fish and I can be as strong or stronger than anybody in that situation and it usually has more impact as I am known more as a peacemaker type so if I am fighting people will often think twice as they feel it must be important.

    We are all different, and we all have different strengths. Walking away was probably the MOST sensible thing you could have done. Let the emotional hurt dissipate in the next few days and you will see you did absolutely the right thing.
  3. LiquidSoap

    LiquidSoap Member

    I thought it was starting to go since I was feeling better, now it's coming back again.. making it 7 days now and counting.
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