I thought i would drop a line, because honestly my time is growing closer and closer. I would have to say by the end of this week is all i can give it anymore. i am not looking for the quick fix but maybe something, anything, that could indicate to me that life can be better. i hear people say it could only get better from here, or the only way is up, but i'm here to say this is not the case for me. i have been in the hospital for the past week. i am still currently staying there just out on pass at the moment. when i was speaking to my therapist today i heard something one would hope to never hear from the professionals. but honestly they are not sure how to help me anymore, but they have begun to see where i am stuck at and still unsure how they can help anymore. i must say i have always felt like a hopeless cause, but now it has become even more real than ever. I'm really sorry to have put any and all of you through this. it might just be better for me to remain quiet from here on out, unless of course there is some positive course of treatment that can be grabbed by the end of this week. if not then it's time for me to die. for those of you that feel u are just as hopeless why don't you try giving it thirty years like i have before you decide that is concrete. i never wanted to believe it but now i have come to just that. anyways i'm gonna go you all take care of yourselves. someday way beyond now i will see you on the other side.