Even the strong can get hit hard

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sthomas022, Jan 29, 2015.

  1. sthomas022

    sthomas022 Member

    First post and maybe some can relate or at least I release it here.. I shake all the time and wake in the middle of the night in pain as the reality of my life hits me. After 10 years in a relationship and standing by him in hard times, why he tried to find his path. Then has an affair with a rich married woman. they break it off and he spends two years lying to me about our relationship, pretending, drinking and been so abusive. I thought it was because he so desperately wanted to self-acutalize, not that he was pining over her. We struggled through so much, way too much to say here. At Christmas, when I am way studying for my Masters in another country, he tells me he has to find out if what he experienced with her was real and he was going to contact her. He was not ready to say he did no love me, that he was in love with two women. One of them happens to be married. The situation just de-evolved to I do not love you and they are communicating and well its my heart is breaking.

    Sometime You get hit so hard it just brings you to your needs.

    What hurts is that I know this woman and she went after him openly, right in front of me. She even claimed to love her family and was done with the affair,just 6 months ago.That all this went on behind my back and when I leave the country I get this news , with no home to return to. Why do I feel hopeless, I have no home to return , and fell so violated by both of them. It hard to concentrate on my studies and I have just lost everything that was important to me. It the pain of the whole affair and the years of tormented I suffered. It the pain of them together and the pain of him loving her Just pain of how callous this was executed and I end of with nothing at 56 years of age.

    I am to the point where I cannot get back up- done trying
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry that you suffering on your own. Please do not anything as life is important. We go through life where we face tough and difficult decisions. Yes, you feel that life is worthless but you are wrong. Yes, the man who meant everything to you has brought you world down around you. But do not let destroy your life, you will find love. Love can be found at any age, so please do not think you are any different.

    In perspective, everyday relationships breakdown in the world but you are important. You need to remain focused and continue to finish your masters. You are a honourable person and have nothing to be ashamed of. If the the man cannot see what has lost, then let that be someone's else future.

    You need to stay strong and remember you have nothing to be blame for. You return to your own country and lead you life as did before. I know it's hard to accept but you can do it. Just think, someone somewhere does care. Please do not suffer on your own and keep posting. You truly deserve to live your life and accomplish your dreams,

    I know you that you feel life is an empty void but that's no reason to end life. You can deal with situation but by a day by day basis. It's fine to cry as it helps you release the hurt and anguish you feel. I feel your pain, so please keep posting as we all suffer inside but don't show it on the outside.

    You may be in a different country at the moment but we can support you through this tough time. You life is precious and so are YOU.

    Take care and be safe.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I went through much the same thing at 50, homeless, alone, betrayed and on the floor.
    Gradually I have put my life back together, with a lot of support from the members here.
    It may seem cold comfort, but have you really lost anything; given he could treat you this way?
    That's how I ended up feeling and now thank God for the escape.
  4. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Dear sthomas022,

    I don't know what to say because betrayal with such unfairness is rarely deserved by anyone.

    But maybe what you can see is this :

    You've been on the right side of the road. Acting like a proper decent human. Acting fairly and honestly. You are a good personn. You are a strong human being because standing straight through the mess is hard. I think you might have gone through the worst part of this story. Holding on and fighting alone for two. You kept going even through the pain, the lies, the abuse. You've done so much already, you've been so strong.
    You're way greater that what you might feel now.

    Now, after you fight so much he gave up.
    I think it's good for you. The lier goes with the lier. "birds of a feather flock together"
    That's why you couldn't fit in.

    You're someone from the light, trying to act honestly. Now you're free to build your life with better things.
    I can not understand your pain but I can relate to that feeling that your life was meaningless and that you're left with nothing.
    It might seems like nothing now but what you've been through is neither everything neither nothing.
    It is something you've been strong enough to go through without giving up so it will be there always, making you who you are. But that's not all you are. You are more than that and there is a lot to come.

    Hold on until you're strong enough to see that you are actually still walking, that you never stopped and that the pain is now far away behind you.

    I wish you all the happiness you deserve ! Because you deserve a lot ! Don't doubt that !
  5. sthomas022

    sthomas022 Member

    Thank You. I am glad someone else cares and understands my pain and how difficult it is to just brush this off. For so long I felt devalued and unimportant. I could not compete with her, her money, status or ego. I am not a winemaker, but I have accomplished so much , the military, my blackbelt in martial arts and wining a national championship, two degrees etc. I supported him through the the worst of times I even designed our business website that was suppose to benefit all the partners, but it was for his own platform.

    Do I feel that life is not worth living, yes. I am tired I have been through so much and this was my last effort of survival- I wanted so much to go on to get my PhD and he pulled the rug out from underneath me when I need to be focused.

    It's hard I cry ,and try to go forward but it may not be at the level I am capable of.
  6. sthomas022

    sthomas022 Member

    Thank you.
  7. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    DOn't give up.

    It might not means something in a small perspective so I need you to look from afar.

    Right now you're left in a war zone with everyone running away.
    There should never be any destruction ... but so far it still happens. Humanity will grow better.
    But you survived the war.
    It's over.

    You think like you wanted to keep on fighting to win something, or just because you felt that it was a purpose and now there's nothing.

    You think there's nothing.

    Because around you it's all blown ...

    But, from afar, I tell you, walk out of the battelfield and there are still a home waiting for you to go back there.
    This home, it's you. It's everywhere.

    Take a deep breath, don't think too much and just walk.

    Please don't give up.
    I really mean it. You've done the worst part of this shit.

    Now you have to stand again and walk until you are back to you.

    Believe in you.
    Believe in the great human you are.
    Believe that people deserve to meet a graet human being like you.

    You are not alone.
  8. sthomas022

    sthomas022 Member

    Trying, but the light at the end of the tunnel looks like a train. I have moments were I think I can make it then I do not see how it can I do not know how I got here. I do not know how to get out.

    Sorry for dumping my emotions on you.
  9. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    You don't dump your emotions.
    I think you share it.

    I think a lot of the people here experienced the up and downs.
    Me included.
    I know that when you're down it's like a strong hold catching ou and sinking you down into despair .. you just want all this to end.

    It's normal for you to feel that way noww because you've been betrayed ... treated like you were not worthy.
    I will say something rude but you let him treat you like that.
    You didn't see it come because you were busy fighting, you were trying and bit by bit, for the sake of making things better, smoothing things you let him treat you like that.
    You should never had let this happen. Because now, what you have to realise is that you are someone worthy... and even more.
    You will realise it and grow stronger... you already did.

    When I have those down feelings. The best thing usually for me is to do sport. It's simple, it prevents me to think to much to stupid things and I take care of me.
    If you can, this would be my advice, when you're down you should try to go out for one hour or two of exercise. Swimming, running, Yoya, cycling ...
    When you are down, put some extra love for yourself, take time for you.

    Stay safe.
  10. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    I think you will find someone to love you and without the abuses. You did not deserve this, you deserve better.

    You will feel better with time. No one heal instantly.

    Good luck and thanks for sharing.
  11. sthomas022

    sthomas022 Member

    Emotional rollercoaster the past few weeks. I have time when it fell better and can concentrate. Perhaps it is the Prozac kicking in, never thought I would be on an anti-depressant. I am back to my martial arts , so those few hour are a great release and pushing to get through my MA programme. All is not lost yet as I am determined to pull this off.

    Yesterday, another betrayal from a trusted friend who is nurturing my ex' new relationship with a married woman- she still has not told her husband about the affair .
    Recovery is hard and i still have to talk myself out of bed.
    Maybe when I am 80 , this will be hilarious.

    I need not to focus on myself, but I do not know what help I can be to other. I have come to realize I have no answers nor solution. Just questions.
  12. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    For now I thin it's better for you to just avoid the mess.
    It probably sounds like a coward act and it is a bit like running away but if it brings you down and you can't deal with it now it's no use to get you into the mess with other people. Weird friends and complicated relationship.

    I think it's goo to focus on you for now and find your peace and some happiness. ANd then you'll be able to open to people around. Don't push to hard on you.
    Your words abbout you being back to martial arts really sounds like a glimpse of peace and happiness.

    Keep going, hold on and believe in you anyway.