I am really angry at my family right now. I was sick and tired of the mask. So I put a comment up on facebook commenting how I feel. My mother called and asked me if I was still depressed....:laugh: My father and sister think of me as a failure, my friends see me as an incompetent loser. And that's fine. Because I am. Now a big reason for that is a struggle with depression and my attempt to get back into life. It's been less than a month since last suicide attempt and frankly I don't feel like functioning. :laugh: I really don't. So they have every right to judge me as thus, but I'm getting frustrated because I feel like they're ignoring how difficult this struggle to not cut up an artery is. And I always tell myself and others.."come on, you don't want to destroy your family." But now I'm thinking fuck them! Am I still depressed? Am I a loser? Well how about I do what I want to do, then you go about with the knowledge that for the past five months I was suicidal and then in March killed myself. Then you go about life with any guilt, if any, and let's see how well you function. And that boys and girls is classified as the VINDICTIVE suicidal impulse. The desire to kill yourself in order to punish others. But I will say that I'm really angry at them. I put the mask on all the time for other people. And whenever I don't have it on I'm treated like a manipulative asshole. :laugh:. It really goes to show that the world views people with depression as weak and pathetic. Fuck the world. Why should I withhold my hand to save them from the grief? This isn't a matter of revenge, it's a matter of doing what's best for me. They don't have to deal with flashbacks, they won't even acknowledge them. I feel alienated from my family and friends. And frankly I'm a bit pissed at society in general. I hate being inaccurately judged by people. I've lived 15+ years with suicidal impulses, constant. This is the seventh consecutive month of sever depression. I'm fatigued and tired now. So that I should break down now and be considered weak !? Fuck you. Fuck you if you don't consider me behaving like a proper man. Fuck off. People who live with suicidal impulses are pretty fucking strong and admirable. If you don't know what it's like to want to throw yourself under every passing car then you shut up! All I'm saying is family and friends' well being is dropping off my list of reasons not to kill myself.