Ever been loved?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Jay19, Dec 9, 2014.

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  1. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    I'm 32 and never been in a relationship, been intimate with anyone, heck even held hands with someone. I read about being 'touch starved' on here and I wondered if anyone here is in the same boat in that they have NEVER been in a relationship or been intimate with someone?

    It affects me alot, not in the sense I crave a partner but the fact that I try to find reason as to why the situation is like this and I conclude there must be something wrong with me.
    Everyone I speak to no matter how bad their problems are seems to have had a relationship or are in one currently. I'm not saying they are better off or I have it worse but I wonder why am I different then?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think being loved and being intimate are two completely different ball games!

    Example: I don't think you have to be loved to be intimate with someone, having sex ''sharing the moment'' '' is intimate. Being loved at least for me never came much from my ex and to this day I don't fully understand why. He never wanted to be intimate, but did he love me for those 2 1/2 years, who knows?

    I do not believe I have ever been truly truly truly loved in it's highest sense yet I have been intimate with a stranger.

    I'm sorry this probably was not the answer you were looking for but I guess it is all about sharing experiences.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I have never been loved, and probably never will. People just seem to be averse to me and not sure why. I have kissed and held hands but not much else. I doubt there is anything wrong with you, and you can find love at any part of your life. Just don't give up hope.
  4. 6v6gt

    6v6gt New Member

    You are not alone.. I am 32 too, and as far as i remember, i never been loved by anyone.
  5. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    I agree however to be intimate someone has to like you in a certain way for them to feel that comfortable and open with another person. I never been intimate hence I feel no human sees me as a potential partner or attractive even

    There must be something wrong with me, I havent even held hands with someone unlike yourself. Everyone I ask they ALWAYS seem to have had more experience than me, had someone else care for them. Surely that is testament to how defective I am, why am I still alive.
  6. shadowonthewall

    shadowonthewall Well-Known Member

    I had one, brief internet relationship in my 30 years. Not only do I not have love, I do not have friendship. Even on places like suicideforum, cases such as mine seem to be the exception rather than the rule.
  7. unlovedanddying

    unlovedanddying New Member

    everyone hates me and I have grown to hate everyone
  8. Kai Nashi

    Kai Nashi Well-Known Member

    I had a relationship for just 5 days. sometimes i think she never even loved me. What the fuck is 5 days anyway....
  9. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    So just me then who never been intimate or been close to anyone, thought so. Annoys me especially when people say they are lonely or have no friends but fail to divulge the fact they have a partner!
  10. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Claire my gf says she loves me as intimately as I love her but who knows a woman's mind? :jiminy_cricket:
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It's worth the wait for the right person.

    I've been with partners but i did not love them as I did for my pets so I just figured I've just not met the soulmate
  12. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    The fact people are saying they are/were with someone but not sure if they loved them or got love back is missing the point. If you never been in a relationship at all is ALOT different to being in one but not being loved.
  13. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am afraid you are the one making assumptions now. Whatever a person has not had or does not have seems worse- until they experience the other. While I agree that your point of never having been in a relationship at all was missed , the assumption that is more difficult is not necessarily correct (nor is it incorrect). It is the issue you are facing right now which makes it the most difficult for you.

    To answer your question more directly- I can think of 5 other members by name here off the top of my head that have the exact same issue - late 20s to mid 50's and never had any type of relationship or physical contact. I will say it is interesting that very seldom do they reply to any threads but their own- and might suggest part of the issue- whether it is shyness or fear/anxiety, but the lack of interaction in any manner with other people is far more likely the culprit as to why they have never experienced any type of relationship as opposed to any real flaw with them or "something wrong" preventing it.

    Even in this thread - you decided that a person that said one brief internet relationship (a person they never met or had any physical contact with not even know if was really a male/female or real name) , and a person that said no , but did not provide details had experienced something more than you. I am not saying in anyway they have or have not, but if you try to set yourself apart (intentionally or just out of habit) it will happen.

    More to the point, what do you do to try to change the fact you have never had any type of relationship?
  14. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Well, if the question is have (I) ever been loved, yes. Very few people know the real me, granted, but some do & still stayed. Not in a romantic sense, they all left, which worked out better for me in the end.

    Intimicy wise, one person was all it took. Never actually did the last step, but I felt… nothing. I wanted to experience that, tried, and sure enough, I don't want to be that close again. Nothing wrong with me, I just don't find pleasure in physical contact.

    The question is, if it bothers you. Is it the social pressure? The desire? The experience? You may well be in part of the spectrum of A-Sexual. Sometimes that can extend into physical contact as well.

    In terms of "love" it's a temporary release of pleasure hormones, which gradually decreases with exposure. Philosophy aside, that's all.

    But there is love like a parent (some cases vary) of your ideals, siblings, friends, surely to live past childhood, you must have been loved enough to be brought up & protected. Financial support isn't love, but you may never know who loved you & simply couldn't show or say it.

    Edit for OP
    Trying to 'make' love is like trying to 'make' gold. You'll waste your life on something that looks pretty, but just weighs you down.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2014
  15. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    I've never been in a relationship up a certain point in my adult life and I've been in relationships that the partner liked me but did not love me, and other relationships where the partner loved me but I did not return it as deep but I did love them enough to care about them so what is your point? I've seen both sides of the coin, so has many others.
  16. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps the real question is, have you ever loved?
  17. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Everyone has, some people just don't love 'others'
  18. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Very true Lorax. A child is unreservadly loved by their parents but are their parents unreservadly loved by the child? I feel plutonic & 'in love' love are different. Love for a parent, sibling, offspring etc is one love that is pretty much taken for granted whereas in most cases love for a partner/spouse is not taken for granted.

    Claire loved her ex but he hardly loved her. So back to immediate family. I feel I am well loved by my parents but do I love them likewise back? Yes I do but some of my actions over the years in the criminal sense & my time spent in prison could be construed I don't love them else why would I subject them to such worry & embarrassment in the local community?
  19. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Im 30. I have had a few relationships, yes. Ive been intimate with men - and Im guessing by intimate you include sexually as well - yes. I can't say that I can relate to having never had either. But Ive always had insecurities that have sabotaged what could have become stronger relationships, not counting the ones where men were disloyal or had short term intentions, but instead they all crumbled away through my fingers like sand.

    And they all hurt in different ways.

    For that reason, because I never let any relationships grow and they end prematurely, I can't say for certain whether any of those men loved me. If I had to go by what they said, then yes. But because I evaluate partners based on actions and not words alone, I think Ive been loved, just not for as long as I would want. There's been no permanence to it. No substance. No commitment that most people truly long for.

    Why are you different, you asked. Everyone's a different individual meant to have different experiences for different reasons with different meanings. A guy who's 32 years old has no reason for anxiety about being single; it's not as if you have a biological clock ticking until you can't conceive children anymore. You have plenty of time to find your sweetheart if you ever try.

    Who knows why there are 32 year old virgins. Maybe youre too picky or dont interact well with whatever gender youre into to understand flirting, body language, needs, etc. There are specialists who help people with that sort of thing. Think Hitch.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 29, 2014
  20. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    I never said that never being loved or intimate etc is worse or more difficult, I said it is alot different. In that from that lack of experience there is less positives to take from interacting with people. As a consequence dealing with people there is less evidence to suggest you could potentially make someone have strong emotional feelings towards you being for the first time or another time.
    For example if I were to say no one loves me and the reply I were to get that there's someone out there for be be it romatically or as friendship then it may be harder to believe that to be true if at my age I never experienced it.
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