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Ever been told you're too sensitive?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ShoegazeDaydream, May 10, 2013.

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  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Many people in my life has always told me how I'm too sensitive. Last night I found a article about Highly Sensitive People, it seemed pretty accurate to me cause I've always been told your too sensitive. Sometimes I feel like the only one, cause I never met many others who felt the same way. Has anyone else been told that their too sensitive?
  2. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I've been told I'm too sensitive but I don't think I am. The things that I get angry or upset about are the things that are honestly wrong with the world - animal cruelty, bullies, government passing laws that make life hell for those already struggling. If I didn't get upset by those things then what kind of person would I be? It's a kind of empathy, not at all sensitivity.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh yes i am very sensitive to to sensitive
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think there are different ways that "You're too sensitive" can be said/meant.

    If someone is actually concerned for you because real things (that the other person also acknowledges are real) are upsetting you, the person likely means "You're very sensitive to others and their situations, and you feel badly for them."

    If someone is teasing you and it's becoming mean rather than friendly teasing, "You're too sensitive" can be the person's attempt to put you down for feeling hurt by what they said. The trick is knowing when people are actually teasing and when they're going too far. (In my experience, "just teasing" goes both ways between the people. If the person being teased says it's hurting, the other person stops and even apologizes. If they go into the "You're too sensitive" routine, they're covering their own nasty behavior - at least according to what I've read about bullying and verbal/emotional abuse.)

    I have also read about Highly Sensitive People...My understanding was that highly sensitive people are emotionally sensitive/empathetic and also very sensitive to sound, color, light, action (physical stimuli). I can see that it could make things like crowded shopping centers more overwhelming than to the average person.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yes, all the damn time, and I hate it. Most of the time when people tell me to stop being so sensitive, they are being complete assholes and saying really rude things to me. They call it "brutally honest", I would call it hateful. You can be honest without hurting peoples feelings so much. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive in a world where most people only care about themselves.
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Witty, when people are being "brutally honest" and commenting about us, and then claim we are too sensitive, I suspect they might be making judgments and accusations about us, and not nice ones - perhaps with the intent to subdue or put us down by making us feel that we are flawed. If we feel badly about ourselves, we are less likely to speak out against what they are saying, and we can internalize their comments. I hope you can avoid taking what they say as the complete and only truth. There are ways to talk openly and honestly that DO NOT grind down a person's sense of self and self-worth.

    I'm sad to hear others have had experiences similar to my own.
  7. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Very well put Acy. Those who are " brutally honest" are often just brutes.
  8. clevername

    clevername Member

    I happened upon the "9 things to never say to someone with mental illness" article, and it spoke to me. I've heard every one of them, repeatedly, for as long as i can seem to remember ever attempting to talk to anyone about what's bothering me.

    The above quote jogged something that i wanted to say:

    My problem isn't that i take "what they say as the complete and only truth," but that i already know better. I already know what they're doing, while they're doing it, that they're wrong, and it's so unbelievably frustrating, demeaning, dismissive and insulting, that i can't even stand to allow myself to interact with people like that. I just instantly shut down and distance myself.

    Many years of allowing people to get close enough to do this, and then having to shut them out, has left me with no one i can talk to, and no hope that i can ever meet anyone in a "normal" way, who would not be exactly that way. I tend to think everyone will be that way, because i've done that experiment so many times and received the same results, i'm convinced i should never expect otherwise.

    So that's a huge portion of the world's population, with whom i must rule out ever getting along.

    It's like i'd have to win the lottery, just to randomly encounter someone who wouldn't pull out one or more of those "9 things" upon noticing anything i typically expect to be interrogated about.

    But it gets worse!

    Not only have i been called "too sensitive," and been told all of those "9 things" by everyone who's ever asked...

    But i've been called both "too sensitive" and also accused of apathy, by the same person.

    I hate it. It's like people can vaguely notice that something's wrong... but then they act all nice and trick you into trying to explain, and then they get offended and try to tell you you're garbage for having THOSE problems... completely disregarding the fact that A) they asked, and B) you're letting them into your "safe zone" because they acted like they wanted to help.

    But yeah. Too sensitive indeed. It's always too something, or not enough something. I'm never "just right," or "perfect," and someone's always got something to say about that.

    Those "9 things" are some of my anger triggers.
  9. SadBk

    SadBk Well-Known Member

    Yup. But that's pretty much a staple of Borderline Personality disorder.
    And like clevername I've also been told I'm apathetic. I'm like... pick one!
    It's supposedly human to be full of contradictions, though. Supposedly. Dunno, I'm not very human.
    Anyway. I hope you feel less alone now with all these responses :)
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    clevername, and others, I'm sad to hear how frustrating it is for you. I truly wish that you find new people who will be supportive and accepting of you irl. In the meantime, come here and we will listen. :hug:
  11. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Yeah my abuser constantly told me how sensitive I was when I was with him. And I remember anytime I tried to talk to him about his behavior, he always tried to avoid it or tell me how I'm being grumpy, too sensitve or telling me I need to lighten up. That's another thing I hate, when someone says lighten up or saying their just joking when their saying very harsh things to me. It's something I don't think I'll ever understand.
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