Ever decreasing circles

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Fatman1966, Apr 27, 2008.

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  1. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Well its been a while since I posted in my own right

    Here is an update for those who can't remember

    Age 41, was fat, now thin and getting thinner, have always been gay, just hid it till I was 40, now out to friends and family, all very supportive, even my Dad in the end, which was a surprise, cos he is a bigot, when is comes to that sort of thing, old age has mellowed him alot.

    All good you are thinking, me to, then why is my depression worse than ever, had to go to the doctors it got that bad, now on meds, still feeling like crap, so will soon get meds increased for a second time, I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought it would help make things right, it did for a while, but yet here I am stuck in the same place, with the same emotions going round and round in my head.

    There was a little mud in the water, a girl, yes I said girl, that offered me a ready made family and the chance to "do what I liked" as long as I came back to her, I was so tempted, the one thing I regret is never being able to have kids, but then she met my best mate, they started dating, like 2 after she made me that offer, now I don't see either of them at all, oh yeah, should add I was sort of a bit in love with my mate, even though he is straight, foolish I know I my age, but it just sort of happened, like it does.

    So what now, have looked around on various web site, but all those guys want is sex and nothing more, thats not enough for me, guess I just need to be loved, just like everyone else, but having led a straight life for so long, not sure I can do the whole picking up guys in bars thing, so what chance does that leave me, pretty much none.

    No matter how hard I try, I just don't seem to be going anywhere

    Any ideas ?

    PS, The sad thing is getting so bad, people have noticed, some of my friends are getting borded of it now and starting to leave me to it, all on my own agian, which is the last thing I need right now, lots of time home alone, drinking red wine by the gallon, I know how that story goes and its not a nice place to be !
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 27, 2008
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    most websites, like bars, are gonna be about one thing: hooking up. can you expand your circle of gay friends in other ways, like joining a social club that does stuff together, like dinners out, hiking, going to a museum as a group. that way there's no pressure on the sex stuff, you get to do something social, and maybe, just maybe there's someone there that you would like to date. is there a gay community center near you? if so, check out the bulletin boards about activities.

    so, i know how it seems like you are in the same place, but just look at how far you've come. could you imagine 10 years ago that you would have told your father, and that he would have accepted you? no. that's a really great step.

    it seems like you are lonely, and i know how awful that is. once you make some more friends -- gay friends preferably -- then perhaps some of that loneliness will leave. i can only imagine how lonely it must have been for you, being in the closet for so long. but that is in the past.

    i hope you can work up the energy to get out and meet some new people. i moved to a new country last year and part of what led me into depression was the isolation i felt. i moved from nyc, where i had many friends, and were there was a huge gay scene, to rural ireland.

    the more depressed i felt, it became a catch-22: i told myself i had no friends, because nobody would want to be my friend, and so it became self-fulfilling. i am slowly coming back to life, and part of that process is getting out every week to try and meet people. i joined a camera club, and i am taking a yoga class.

    i hope you will find something fun to do in the community.
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