Ever felt drained to the point where you have no life in you?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tatsuhiro Satou, Jul 7, 2011.

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  1. Tatsuhiro Satou

    Tatsuhiro Satou Active Member

    It's a terrible feeling, isn't it? Calling it depression is an understatement, being to be depressed you'd have to have feelings, you'd have to feel sadness. Right now, I am unable to feel anything right now. I want to cry, but I can't. I don't want to breathe anymore, but yet I'm still breathing.

    All I've done for most of the day is lie on my bed, staring at the wall. I can't bring myself to talk to my friends, to turn on the T.V, to do anything but lie in bed and close my eyes and hope that I will not open them ever again. I have no where else to express my feelings but here, and so this is why you find me here right now, posting this.

    Is this how anyone should live their life? Unable to seek enjoyment in your life, unable to talk to anyone, just shutting yourself in; just laying in your bed and when you do get up you walk around like a zombie, emotionless and unable to feel the pain that has been haunting you for hours?

    I wish to close my eyes and die on the spot, just by thinking about it. I'm unable to even try to commit suicide, I just want it to happen instantaneously on the spot.

    This isn't living, this is just the same as being dead. My only ambition, my only hope, is to die. No one deserves to live like this.
  2. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    I always feel totally drained. Always want to...well I don't want to do anything period.

    It Sucks.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I lived like that for fourteen years.. Then I found SF... I started makeing friends here and they helped me to get past this..I still have SI but know I won't act on it unless something dreadfull happens.. I am still waiting to die... I'm 54 years old and a heavy smoker.. I filled out a DNR so when the time comes they can't resusitate me..Just let me go..
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yeh very much so sorry you feel that way too hun get in to your doc okay get some blood work done could be many reasons medically why you feel so drained hugs
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Tatsuhiru - No - depression is not just about lying on your bed each day wanting to die. I mean, when it hits you bad - you might feel that way but depression can lift also - and even if you feel one tiny little spark of something good - sieze that thought - run with it - or think with it and start to fight back!

    Depression is not a finished article. Some illness you get and its always there - you always feel it. Depression, whilst I guess I'll deal with it on and off for the duration - it does not have to control your life.

    Medicines might help - its a toss of the coin as far as I can tell but I've taken two myself - got a third one waiting on the sidelines. I guess the main thing about taking meds is that it might be the only 'positive' move people make to get over the depression. It is a moment when you decide enough is enough.

    Therapy might help also - in fact its better than meds in some ways as it does not put chemicals into you which may or may not work. Counselling or therapy might be good - especially IF your depression has a definite root cause. Some depression can be traced to a defining event - abuse, bad childhood, love gone wrong, bereavement and employment.

    Other times depression just 'happens' to us. I guess or am pretty sure that it is biological - brain chemistry off kilter - and in that case you still have options apart from meds. Sometimes a change in lifestyle helps - if you change the 'bad' things in your life - that can help a lot. Meds or not - its all about getting some 'wind in your sails' - like depression is us on a sail-boat in still waters and no wind - we cannot move anywhere. Sometimes we need that 'push' or kickstart.

    By no means is depression the end of things. It might seem like that at times but bear in mind that many people have achieved greatness in their own fields - artists, sportsmen, musicians, business people, writers and plenty of people who have suffered great hardship yet would still wish you well and smile. In fact - pick a profession and there will be people who are brilliant workers and who cope with depression. Many mothers get depression - dads also, but for single mums its especially hard - you are all doing great if you have raised children!

    I guess we admire the people who have the strength to cope - I try to cope myself and am in my forties and still here! I'm not planning to pop my cork any time in the near future - but I'm looking for my own inspiration to deal with things I have to do.

    I believe we all follow a path in life. Sometimes we find obstacles on that path - we might stay still and not move forward for fear of the obstacles. Depression is like you've been given an extra load to carry - maybe its God handicapping you for your talents in other areas. Like a good racehorse in a handicapped race - he or she will have extra weight because they are faster. It slows them down to the level of other horses, or something. I'm not a racing or gambling man so do not know for sure!

    Depression for me is THE Enemy. There is a song by Johnny Cash called 'The Beast in me' - it tells of a mans struggle between the good and darker side of his nature - could be a woman also I guess.

    The 'beast' is 'caged by frail and fragile bars' and the song tells us that it is 'restless by day and by night - rants and rages at the stars'.

    The words connect to me - Mr Cash connects because he knows that darkness of depression - he was the angry man and the rebel sometimes with no cause. The drink! The drugs! The women - for Mr Cash between marriage I guess. Then again he was faithful to his two wives, the second June Carter, was a country singer he met and just clicked with. No way would have have cheated on her. She was drop dead beautiful for a long time! Sang like an angel and was as sweet and had the charm.

    Anyhow, the beast in me - continues, with Cash telling us that

    'The beast in me, that everybody knows - Sometimes he is out dressed in my clothes, patently unclear - if its New York or New Year.

    God help the beast in me'

    Anyhow, its a sad song but these things have to be bought out into the open.

    On a more cheerful note - despite my own struggle for a couple of decades or more, I'm sometimes down but not out. Things can change - I do change - I revise who I am all the time but know that there is a 'me' that cannot change, and I happen to like that part of me. I'm an idiot also - sometimes, but you have to laugh at yourself sometimes and sometimes you can laugh at depression.

    Don't isolate yourself - at first depression will do this - but I think talking to people is likely as good as many anti depressant drugs. Stay in all the time and depression grows - ferments - brews up all the negatives you could ever imagine and leaves you sometimes utterly shattered.

    In an ideal world we would all have work to keep us busy - that is a great help in itself - but please don't feel like you are 'nothing' because you are unemployed. you did not make this economy the way it is and in the 'time off' you have it is worth trying out new things and keeping educated. Free courses exist for the less well off and keeping the mind busy is a real good thing for anyone when its busy with problem solving - working out 'new things' and maybe meeting a few people also.

    At one time I looked at depression as the end of many things - looking backs it had made life difficult but I'd have to take it if given the choice because it had helped define who I am and made me recognise my strengths and man up to a few things.

    I recognise some might be able to think their way out of depression - I know it might be part of us - making an appearance now and again. IF you its in the ascendency - its hard I know - but it will descend - mood is like the weather subject to changes, sometimes slow like the seasons but sometimes sudden.

    We can help by trying to maintain a cheerful outlook when we are able to - it takes the effort to do it and depression makes you want to just stay in bed sometimes and mourn the life that could be. However, the life that could be - the man or woman you might want to be - if your heart is truly set that is the path you, we all follow.

    Good luck in the journey - God Bless also - that just about covers what I'd like t say at this time.

    There is more - obviously.

    But I'm off out to see my niece.
  6. Emerald Hyperion

    Emerald Hyperion Not So Well-Known Member

    I've been drained almost my entire life to the point where I've become nothing but an emotionless and soulless corpse.
  7. Tatsuhiro Satou

    Tatsuhiro Satou Active Member

    Thank you for your support, but the burden on my shoulders are just to great to lift up. I gave up on doctors and therapy months ago, and the only medication I have left is the left over Lexapro I still have from a couple months back. I had since stopped taking it, but now I forced myself to get back on it, and I know I shouldn't without consulting a doctor, but I have none and this is the only thing I have left that might possibly save me.

    Once you fallen in a hole too deep to crawl out, you are forever trapped in the dark.
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