ever felt drained..

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im so... i dont know. . ive come home to my parents for christmas, which i didnt want to...did because of my dad and the fact that my moms sister died on the 23rd. so im here..

they live in the middle of bc. its quite.. in the thick of the wilderness. they are inbetween two small cities, about 45 min drive either way, in a small place along a lake consisting of maybe 10 homes. .

ive eaten, ive slept.. and im so drained... my ambition my drive is a blurr.. i m so out of it. i cant see anything. i feel really weird. its kinda scary. even my sex drive is off, which is not normal. my thinkings not there. im constantly pretending or soemthing i donno. i have to be so careful as to what i say infront of my mother, shes .. i donno. i have to shutdown in order to protect myself from her and her natural instinct. i see she does it to everyone so its not just me she does it to. im just, i have so many important things happening that are beyond me at this moment.. this was such a huge mistake. i have so many huge actions i need to take in a week and im here dissolving. they are upstairs.. i cant stand her. i dont know why. i just dont want to be like her. i think thats it.. i hate how ... ive .. just. she could have been more. i could have been more.

why .. of all hte things ive seen of all hte posisibiltiies ..why this.. why any of this for anything and everything


meh, just need to pick myself up, find my footing and not let this keep me down :biggrin:
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