Ideas & Opinions Ever felt like you got no friends?

[LukaRedgrave]

In my opinion, there are two types of friends (at least according to my own record): the ones for partying, drinking, tell jokes and overall have fun with, and on the other hand the ones who are the closest to you, and try to be there to listen to you and give you advice whenever you feel down. This second type is, i think, the most scarce since is the type of friends i no longer have.

I've had a small group of friends for a while, and i do appreciate them, but they simply haven't reached the "other side" of being people i feel comfortable enough with to tell them about my problems, my sad moments, my inner struggles...they're my group of friends to play videogames with and have fun and share memes and that's pretty much it. I think they simply dont take most things seriously to actually feel concerned about what could i possibly feel.

I did have a couple of close friends but...i guess they vanished (?) One certain day it was simply the last day we talked to each other, and they moved on with their lives i guess: they're still online often but never talk to me or say hi anymore, and im the type of person who doesnt like to beg for someone's atention so that's basically how things went down. I do miss talking to them of course, but i decided that if they no longer wanna talk to me and get to know how things are going in my life, then its not worth the effort looking for them. I still have my group of other friends but yet i feel kinda lonely sometimes because, you know, i had a hard week at work or im simply feeling down for no reason, and got no one to talk to about it cause they are more interested on a videogame match or drinking or stuff like that.

Plus im really bad at making friends with new people: im easy going and most people consider me a laidback and funny dude, but i still dont take many risks with new people, or people from my workplace, or friends of my friends or anyone else when it comes to opening up myself to them (dont know if im being clear on that aspect) and in the end i keep most of my stuff to myself. I sometimes think im much of a boring person for someone to be interested on what i do, what i like or how i feel.

 

[sinking_ship]

Yeah, I can definitely relate. I also have a lot of trouble putting myself out there to make friends, though people generally seem to like me. It always seems to me like they must already have good friends and not be interested, I'm not enough that they would go out of their way to try to nurture a new friendship. I've moved a few times as an adult, and it often seems like by the time I finally get kinda close to building something I have to start over.

 

[KM76710]

I don't consider myself having a friend Woman I know we get together, I just say, hey she is pretty and with big..... that I can fiddle with.

 

[sinking_ship]

I don't consider myself having a friend Woman I know we get together, I just say, hey she is pretty and with big..... that I can fiddle with.

...Really?

 

[KM76710]

...Really?

Dolly Partonesque figure with Salma Hayek looks with the dark hair and eyes... Sad to say she is like me, but that is one of the few connections I have with real life, she also doesn't have a relation with the outside world.

 

[Gonz]

Dolly Partonesque figure with Salma Hayek looks with the dark hair and eyes... Sad to say she is like me, but that is one of the few connections I have with real life, she also doesn't have a relation with the outside world.

Um, I don't think she was asking for more details.

 

[KM76710]

Um, I don't think she was asking for more details.

Probably not, she is Mexican and Cajun mix and just wanting to have some fun at that.

 

[sinking_ship]

Probably not, she is Mexican and Cajun mix and just wanting to have some fun at that.

Inappropriate. All of it. This is what I was saying. If you need it spelled out.

 

[Dark111]

In my opinion, there are two types of friends (at least according to my own record): the ones for partying, drinking, tell jokes and overall have fun with, and on the other hand the ones who are the closest to you, and try to be there to listen to you and give you advice whenever you feel down. This second type is, i think, the most scarce since is the type of friends i no longer have.

I've had a small group of friends for a while, and i do appreciate them, but they simply haven't reached the "other side" of being people i feel comfortable enough with to tell them about my problems, my sad moments, my inner struggles...they're my group of friends to play videogames with and have fun and share memes and that's pretty much it. I think they simply dont take most things seriously to actually feel concerned about what could i possibly feel.

I did have a couple of close friends but...i guess they vanished (?) One certain day it was simply the last day we talked to each other, and they moved on with their lives i guess: they're still online often but never talk to me or say hi anymore, and im the type of person who doesnt like to beg for someone's atention so that's basically how things went down. I do miss talking to them of course, but i decided that if they no longer wanna talk to me and get to know how things are going in my life, then its not worth the effort looking for them. I still have my group of other friends but yet i feel kinda lonely sometimes because, you know, i had a hard week at work or im simply feeling down for no reason, and got no one to talk to about it cause they are more interested on a videogame match or drinking or stuff like that.

Plus im really bad at making friends with new people: im easy going and most people consider me a laidback and funny dude, but i still dont take many risks with new people, or people from my workplace, or friends of my friends or anyone else when it comes to opening up myself to them (dont know if im being clear on that aspect) and in the end i keep most of my stuff to myself. I sometimes think im much of a boring person for someone to be interested on what i do, what i like or how i feel.

The way I see it, people are just ultimately self-involved. People move on, get busy with their lives, their careers & families, have their priorities and they don't feel the need for the addition of another friend. People don't befriend or accept attempts to be befriended if it doesn't suit them or doesn't fit in with their day-to-day living. People are just not that generous. They often don't want the obligation. People are shallow too, so you can make all the effort in the world that you like, but If you don't look a certain way or hold a certain social status, they won't even consider you. I'm not saying you won't meet the odd kind heart along the way, but that is usually the exception, not the rule.

 

[Auri]

Hi @LukaRedgrave Yeah, I can definitely see your point about different types of friends, although I personally feel like every friend is different and there are far more "types" than these two categories (our brains like to categorize, but the reality is far more complex, right? ). Not that there's anything wrong with it or that it's the case for you, I just find that categorizing can sometimes limit us - just a thought.

im the type of person who doesnt like to beg for someone's attention so that's basically how things went down

Obviously, you should never beg for attention. If you do, your friend is probably not a very good one for you.
Now I don't know if "begging" was an exaggeration on your part for communication purposes, and I don't know much about you, so I might not say anything enlightening here... :p but in general I feel like treating your friends the way you wish to be treated is a good way to go, all the while having no unrealistic expectations. A friend is not a commodity, right? They have their own lives that we should respect, their own personalities, their own ways of showing care to us, and their own needs - all of these may be different from ours, and we need to understand that. I feel like a lot of people expect perfection from their friends, they have some image in their heads of what a great friend should be like, rather than enjoying who they are, seeing the best in them and what they can "offer" - in addition to fundamentals like basic respect or honesty, of course.

Also would like to add that trust is earned, and it takes time (with most people at least) before they "upgrade" from a friend to a great friend, then to a very close friend. Sometimes years...

I sometimes think im much of a boring person for someone to be interested on what i do, what i like or how i feel.

Don't think that. They're just destructive thoughts, but I'm sure you're as interesting as any other person you meet. You've just spent so much time with yourself that you're probably bored with yourself at this point, in addition to perhaps having low self-esteem - most people think that way. But give people the chance to get to know you and decide for themselves. No one is that boring, no one is perfect either.

 

[Gonz]

The way I see it, people are just ultimately self-involved. People move on, get busy with their lives, their careers & families, have their priorities and they don't feel the need for the addition of another friend. People don't befriend or accept attempts to be befriended if it doesn't suit them or doesn't fit in with their day-to-day living. People are just not that generous. They often don't want the obligation. People are shallow too, so you can make all the effort in the world that you like, but If you don't look a certain way or hold a certain social status, they won't even consider you. I'm not saying you won't meet the odd kind heart along the way, but that is usually the exception, not the rule.

This feels overly cynical, but I can't actually find any point that I can reasonably argue against.

 

[MosesY]

I have one good friend now that I can share anything with. It is a priceless feeling.

 

[MisterBGone]

I have one good friend now that I can share anything with. It is a priceless feeling.

That’s about all you need —& can realistically hope for! : )

 

[MichaelKay]

I have this condition that makes me push friends away. The last friend I think I had was a guy I've known for 20+ years and he told me to get lost on the 16th of June. That's the last time I saw someone I'd call a friend.

He couldn't deal with my thoughts and that's okay. I understand it. I understand exactly how being weird and mentally ill isn't too nice for people and why most can't handle it. But it hurts. And he was the most honest, closest friend I ever had. I don't even know if I have friends anymore. I havent been in touch with any for months and don't know if they would still think of me as a friend to be honest.

 

[Dark111]

I have this condition that makes me push friends away. The last friend I think I had was a guy I've known for 20+ years and he told me to get lost on the 16th of June. That's the last time I saw someone I'd call a friend.

He couldn't deal with my thoughts and that's okay. I understand it. I understand exactly how being weird and mentally ill isn't too nice for people and why most can't handle it. But it hurts. And he was the most honest, closest friend I ever had. I don't even know if I have friends anymore. I havent been in touch with any for months and don't know if they would still think of me as a friend to be honest.

That's gotta hurt that he bailed on you like that. Sure, I understand what you're saying. Not everyone is cut out for the tough stuff. Still doesn't make it any less shitty to be cast aside like that. But try not to isolate yourself. Do you attend any support groups where you can be yourself and share what you need to without judgement? With other people going through the same stuff? There are just some things normies find too hard to deal with. Not making excuses, Just making an effort to try seeing it from their side too. It might have nothing to do with you personally, it's just some boundary they have set for themselves.

 

[Sane Man]

Um, I don't think she was asking for more details.

If your mission was to make me laugh, mission accomplished thanks

 

[Harmony]

don't consider myself having a friend Woman I know we get together, I just say, hey she is pretty and with big..... that I can fiddle with.

TMI and keep your objectification of women to yourself.

 

[Sane Man]

You are right in a way, saying their are two basic types... but there's more too. Anyway, I believe in life in general most people are not very deep or empathetic, unless they became that way at some point through their circumstances. I think with most people, it's kind of like they're on this 'carousel of life' that keeps spinning, and if your not 'on it' at the same speed as them, than you're left behind. Does that make sense?

 

[MichaelKay]

That's gotta hurt that he bailed on you like that. Sure, I understand what you're saying. Not everyone is cut out for the tough stuff. Still doesn't make it any less shitty to be cast aside like that. But try not to isolate yourself. Do you attend any support groups where you can be yourself and share what you need to without judgement? With other people going through the same stuff? There are just some things normies find too hard to deal with. Not making excuses, Just making an effort to try seeing it from their side too. It might have nothing to do with you personally, it's just some boundary they have set for themselves.

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He didn't bail on me. He was being honest and telling me he wasn't sure we should be friends anymore. And heck, if being honest like that and speaking your mind isn't being a good friend I don't know what is. He didn't bail on me. He was upfront and showed me why we were friends to begin with. Honesty, being real to eachother, speak our mind. I respect him a lot for doing that.

 

[Dark111]

He didn't bail on me. He was being honest and telling me he wasn't sure we should be friends anymore. And heck, if being honest like that and speaking your mind isn't being a good friend I don't know what is. He didn't bail on me. He was upfront and showed me why we were friends to begin with. Honesty, being real to eachother, speak our mind. I respect him a lot for doing that.

Sure. Maybe that was my awkward way of acknowledging it still hurts.