Ever felt like you weren't worth the time?

[AlexDanish]

The only person I ever trusted with my secrets, or ever asked to help me hasn't helped in the last week, although I told them I desperately needed to talk to them on Monday.

To top things off, the doctor found out that I was severely depressed and self-harm myself. You see, I was supposed to get a needle. But I went for a full check-up. Urine sample, body inspection. Now I'm fucked big time. Anti-Depressants, "Professional Help"...

You know what I realized? I'm one person, who simply can never live up to the standards imposed on me. Why waste my best friends time? Why be a drain on the taxpayers money for drugs(Canadian, heh...)? Why get help?

For the past 16 years, I've lived a pretty terrible life. And that probably sounds very lame. But I can only pretend to be happy for so long before it all falls down, and to put it simply, I'm not worth it. I'm one person, in this huge world. I don't want to waste anybodies time or money.

So, this is the end, I suppose, unless there is some divine intervention (Which I doubt very much).

See you all in a better place.

 

[itmahanh]

Why rely on just one person? There are so many wonderful people here that are willing to help. I know it isn't quite the same as having someone physically there, but we are willing to listen and help however we can. People who don't suffer mental health issues sometimes become overwhelmed with their own feelings about trying to help. Maybe your friend just needs a little space right now. So let them have it and lean on us for awhile. PM me if ya want to chat, eh? Yep another canuck.

 

[AlexDanish]

Heheh.

I've lied. I've cheated. I've made mistakes, terrible mistakes. I've done terrible things. I've said terrible things. I've lost the ability to be happy. I've lost my best friends. I've lost everything I ever cared about.

I tied up the loose ends today. Broke my cell (No interruptions, please), Given away my iPod, all my money, my favorite CD's. Written a nice long letter, and I still managed to hold in my darkest pains, hold in all my bitter resentment. Even in this final act, they will never really know. And I'm at peace with that.

After two failed attempts, I'm going to make this one count. Even if I survive, I'll be in such a poor state they'll have no option but to kill me themselves. Haha.