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Ever felt this...?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Vangelis, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Ever felt desensitized by death after being on here for awhile? I read posts after posts of suicide posting and people wanting to off themselves for the most mundane reasons and some reasons which would qualify as something I would do if it happened to me. Yet my words or the advice we give has no effect at times, and the same advice given over and over like a depression/suicide hotline seems to go in one ear and out the other in our most depressed individuals.

    Sometimes I want to say what I really want think about their situation, I mean what can I lose, they die either way if I use the same message, or I resort back to the old ways of me being almost a blunt asshole about it just to get some thought into them. I've called the depression hotline before, and it's the same thing that I hear over and over, it just doesn't work for me anymore, infact it makes me even feel more comfortable with my own death.

    I envy those who want to kill themselves, but they have a loving supportive family, access to doctors, and a huge support of friends. Which makes my suicide less tragic then because I have nothing to lose. But then we're all different people with different situations so this posting is just another conundrum of my own mind. Thanks for reading!

  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Very thought provoking stuff there Lee! I do feel the same about the suicide post but then again I am a firm believer in that if a person is going to commit they are gonna do it regardless and that I reach out to that part of them that wants to live and hope with all hell I touch that spot, that my story relates enough, that my words enter their heart and that somehow someway my words by time for their real feelings to live kick in....don't give up on what you do and how you do it.

    You are not desensitized, I believe, just in full knowledge that you are not in control and that your role here is that of someone in similar shoes reaching out cuz you truly care inside your heart of hearts.

    You have a big heart to even be thinking these things in my book....you notice people and how they feel that is evident.
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It may be desensitized or it may be a different perspective. We internalize a lot about things so we don't have to be conscientiously thinking about the next step, but rather we have a gut feeling about something and look at little closer. Maybe that is how, as human beings, we protect ourselves.
  4. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    I hardly ever post a thread, and I never really let out my suicidal thoughts in this forum yet, don't know if I ever will at this moment, because I have kept most of my thoughts internal, it plays like a re-run over and over, and the more I read and post advice and experiences here, the more it feels comfortable and I'm at calm again. Doesn't mean I would do something to myself or not, that still takes a lot of willpower to do, but my heart definitely does stress out and I do take a break here and there to rebuild and start posting. Just tells myself that suicide, depression, and abuse is real, just pains me that a lot of people make it out as a joke, definitely here in real life where I'm at.

    So the only thing I have is to reach out to others, share my experiences in advice format to see if it helps the person in crisis. This place does trigger things, it also opens up a lot of emotions that you try to keep down inside. Once I can connect to that person and we're at equals, then the healing process can began and the advice can matter. Sorry if my posts seems like it jumps all over the place....I rarely talk anymore and posting about something in my mind is difficult.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Don't apologize; what you've posted makes sense. Being here and reading people's life stories and their pain makes everything so much more real. A lot of people in my own real life make depression and abuse sound like a joke too, and it always makes me so angry. because I come here, and I can see that it's not a joke.

    I know what you mean about having to take a break to regroup too; I do the same thing. Sometimes you have to.
  6. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    Vangelis I would agree with all that has been posted here.
    I think reaching out to people is a risk we take for better or worse.
    Your knowledge is invaluable your perceptions real.
    I appreciate every word you have to say, even if its something I do not want to hear.