This is a sensitive subject I occasionally find myself thinking about when I've got practically nothing else interfering with those thoughts. The feeling or hard pressed thought that more than often, you feel like you're just there. That you're not the life of someone's party, that you're not some social clique or that you don't feel as relevant with anyone or anything. And I've noticed this a lot when I've drawn myself up side to side with other individuals. Stuff like and it turns into a study, like what makes them generate the people and the attention that they have? There is a lot of factors in consideration and when you look at yourself, you can't help but feel that you're just there. That you're just another human body there to take up resources, there to breathe air and you're there to do what everyone else does. You're part of the "Everyone else" club, despite what you do. Nothing about you stands out and nothing about you is remotely interesting. That's the feeling I get every solitary minute of my life, aware of it or not. It's even sadder when people give you the feeling that is all you are. People coming to you for favors - just favors. You become a name, just a name, on their friends list when there's so many opportunities in the day for them to talk to you. Nothing happens. Even with friends whom have been by your side for a whole decade or multiple decades. Sure, you try to proceed through life as normal but the weight on your shoulders gets to be a bit bothersome. I sometimes wish there was something I could do about my social stigma. But I've always sworn to myself that I'd never sell myself out for the sake of getting that social awareness and attention. Because, I know for a fact that I can't entirely handle it. But just because I've accepted that fate, doesn't really mean that the problem itself is erased. I've laid out almost every bit of myself for someone to know me by. All I get for the most part is small talk. God do I hate small talk now. Because it's small talk - that goes no where. You've got the basics "What's up?" "How are you?" and the greetings covered. Then you'll say something about the day and they'll respond in kind. From there, it just goes no where usually. Silence. Like as if nothing mattered and everything was throw away for the sake of conversation. That too, helps the feeling that I'm "just there". Extra body. Extra number. Extra this. Extra that. You're just there. I hate it and I hate it a lot. But I've sworn not to stoop so low for that attention, so it just goes in circles.