Ever thought of flushing away your thoughts?!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ButterfliesOverScars, Feb 15, 2016.

  1. I never thought I'd ever find some place like this to talk freely!! And I'm pretty sure none of who I know will pop up here. Well, i just need to fiercely scream and shout, but all i do is just scream silently in my pillow in the middle of the night, and let my skin cry for me with blood spilling out of the slits.

    I've never felt so angry and so empty at the same time. Why in hell do I have to feel like shit every day. I'm so worthless and no one wants me.

    Even though a lot of people care, I just don't get why they do, I'm hopeless, and I feel they do this just for pity and because the feel sorry and bad for me?

    i need no one but myself and even that I cant find...

    HAD ENOUGH SHIT FOR MY LIFE
    THIS IS ENOUGH
    I need to flush my thoughts away.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* I'm sorry you feel so bad. Do you want to talk about what is going on?
     
    ButterfliesOverScars likes this.
  3. It's okay I think, today was a horrible disaster i've never cried that much in public
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    What happened hun? if you want you can always write to me!
     
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi Butterflies, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you had such an awful day. *hugs* Feel free to keep letting all your thought out. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
     
    ButterfliesOverScars likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Why are you so angry hun? What has brought you to this point in your life, even if no one cares in your life you will meet people that do care here. Please talk more if you want and feel free to message me anytime x
     
  7. just_done

    just_done New Member

    Hi. Sorry you're feeling like this and having such a bad time. You said something in your post that hit me like a slap in the face and really made me think. You said that there are a lot of people in your life who care, but that you don't know why they do. You said you're hopeless. Have you ever considered that maybe you are looking at yourself from the wrong perspective? You see these people in your life, who presumably include at least some people you care about and value the opinions of, and you recognize that they care about you. But your natural reaction is to wonder why they care. Maybe your reaction should be t wonder why you do not. They see things in you that are important and valuable, and because of that, they care about you and worry over you. You see yourself as hopeless and immediately assume that these other people must be wrong to care. Maybe you should stop for just a minute and try to imagine that they might not be wrong about you. Maybe you aren't hopeless. Maybe your perspective about yourself is off and theirs is not. Nobody goes to such trouble out of pity or because they feel sorry for you. People are generally kind, but there aren't many who will put themselves out just because they feel sorry for someone else, especially if that someone is really as worthless as you seem to think you are. If there are people in your life who care, I think there is a really good chance that you actually are not worthless and hopeless. And for sure, if you have people who care about you like that, you're not alone and it's not true that no one wants you. The truth of it is that you're suffering and this disease really messes with your perceptions about yourself. I know from experience that it's not very easy to step outside yourself to try to look from the point of view of someone else, but I think if you can do that, you might be pretty surprised to find out that the person you see, the person you really are, is someone special and someone that deserves to be cared about the way that people do. It's hard from the vantage point of the disease to give yourself a break, but you need to try hard to do that. You're not worthless and you're not hopeless, no matter how hard the struggle is.
     
    sahel and ButterfliesOverScars like this.
  8. a
    *hugs* that is probably the most amazing thing someone have told me. but I'm sorry to dissapoint you...I'm not so faithful, and I would never have some faith in me.
    Although I help other people like me, but i never know how to help myself. It's like other people's problems consume me. I never blame anyone for what I am going through and I will never will, but there is some actions people do that lead to this, which might alos lead to suicide. and this is why I care about my friends because I don't want to hurt them by taking away my life.
    I'm used to the pain anyway...
    I'll be fine. :)
     
  9. just_done

    just_done New Member

    ". . . but I never know how to help myself . . ."
    ". . . I never blame anyone for what I am going through . . ."
    ". . . I'll be fine . . ."

    I feel like I could have said every word you've written. I feel like I've had this same conversation in my head a million times. Here's the thing. You're completely wrong about at least those three statements. First, even though you are undoubtedly strong enough and smart enough to help yourself, you have to start to come to terms with the fact that you don't have to win this fight all on your own. It's never the best way to do it. I wish that someone would have grabbed me when I was your age and shaken me and screamed at me that it is OK to ask for help. It is. Always. The world is full of people who will see you and hear you and WANT to help you. Ask them. Stop thinking that you have to do this all alone. You never do. The very best first step to helping yourself is to ask someone else to help you. And don't fall back on excuses like "nobody else could understand," or "I don't want to waste other people's time," or "I could never tell anyone what has been going on inside my head." Those things are just the wrong way of looking at the world. People can understand. They will understand. There are so many people in the world who have been through awful things, and you are doing them a service by letting them help you. You are reminding them that they are not alone and are allowing them to use their own pain for good. That's an incredible gift. Share yourself with the world, just like you are doing here. You are an amazing person. Let them see you. Let them help you.

    Second, you are blaming someone for what you are going through. You're blaming yourself. You're making yourself responsible for everything you are suffering through, and I'll wager that you are being much harder on yourself than you would ever be on someone who has actually done you wrong. But beside that, and beside the fact that you are blaming the wrong person, choosing who to blame for a problem is the least productive way to solve that problem. It serves some need that we all seem to have as humans, but it rarely does anything about the problem itself. So stop focusing on blame. To the extent you need to, and as much as you can, forgive yourself. Give yourself a pass on everything that is in the past, and turn your attention to today, and tomorrow. Turn your attention to where it can do the most good. Turn your attention to making your life what you want it to be. And ask for help, over and over, again and again, until you get to where you want to be.

    And third, you are already fine. You are already so much more than just "fine." Fine is what people are when they settled for the status quo, when they are concerned only with getting from minute to minute, from one day to the next. That's not you. You are more than that. You are caring and concerned and smart and good. And you are mean to yourself and suffering and struggling. But that second list does not erase or overwhelm the first one. You aren't defined by the second list. You ARE the first one. The second one is a bump in the road to the place you want to be. The first list is the vehicle that will carry you down that road. Concentrate on growing that first list; I don't even know you and I can recognize some really great things about you. I cannot even imagine the list that our friends would put together. I know it's difficult, but you ought to spend a couple of minutes every day separating yourself from the "you" that you imagine you are, and start adding to that list with all the things that other people see and KNOW that you are. Make that first list longer and stronger every day. And start trying to believe in it, because it is the truth. It is the person that you are. The second list is not who you are. So while you are spending time growing that first list, let the second one fade away. It will do that on its own a little as you stop focusing on it and allow it to wash away. But it will need some help, too, so ask for that whenever you need to. You're not "fine," and you're not going to be just "fine." You are already so much more than only "fine," and you will become even more every day.
     
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