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Ever wake up feeling like you are close and are ok with it?

#1
Last rant for today, I promise. This morning, after another horrible nights sleep, I woke up feeling like death could be close, how I do not know as I do not have the guts to do it myself, yet I just ‘feel’ it if that makes sense. Maybe it is wishful thinking. Oh how I adore my family but oh how I want these feelings to end,,,,and I only see one way out. Strange thing is that I am now ok with it though I know everyone will be devastated...so I am changing my plea to God...not for help to stay but for an end....a sweet, peaceful end. I will never be who I used to be so what is the sense.
Really feel like this is my last Christmas...the feeling is eery yet comforting in a weird way..strange....huh?
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
#2
Whenever I have made the final decision to commit suicide I have always felt calm. It's like the pressure is off. It is an eerie feeling indeed.
 

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#3
Last rant for today, I promise. This morning, after another horrible nights sleep, I woke up feeling like death could be close, how I do not know as I do not have the guts to do it myself, yet I just ‘feel’ it if that makes sense. Maybe it is wishful thinking. Oh how I adore my family but oh how I want these feelings to end,,,,and I only see one way out. Strange thing is that I am now ok with it though I know everyone will be devastated...so I am changing my plea to God...not for help to stay but for an end....a sweet, peaceful end. I will never be who I used to be so what is the sense.
Really feel like this is my last Christmas...the feeling is eery yet comforting in a weird way..strange....huh?
This strange feeling, I don't have a word to call it, is something I used to have a years ago. Now, it's milder but still drive me close to suicide. Have you talked to your family about it?

I pray to God the same. "Offer me that deathless death, good God. I will give you my life." (from Take Me To Church by Hozier). In the end, there is no answer, only us and our common demise of life. Though, I don't blame Him for not answering. If someone asks me to kill them, I would be quiet, as well. Instead, I listen.
 
#4
This strange feeling, I don't have a word to call it, is something I used to have a years ago. Now, it's milder but still drive me close to suicide. Have you talked to your family about it?

I pray to God the same. "Offer me that deathless death, good God. I will give you my life." (from Take Me To Church by Hozier). In the end, there is no answer, only us and our common demise of life. Though, I don't blame Him for not answering. If someone asks me to kill them, I would be quiet, as well. Instead, I listen.
Interesting concept..that he is listening rather than acting upon the request....you are correct. We would do the same.
 

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#9
I wrestle with concept of God. Does anyone else?
I don't think anyone can understand God or explain His actions. All we can do is guessing. I think "Is God real" or something like that will be a good thread in the religion section of this forum.

Oh yes, I wrestle with his existence big time....with so much crap going on in the world, how could one not. Then with my own inner demons constantly lurking,..,ugh,.,,where is he?
There is no shame in this wrestling. Silence is not always a good response to everything. Well, I don't understand God, either.
Anyways, I think you need professional help.
 

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