You feel impulsive. You desperately seek to feed on some excitement, and you know that doing it will temporarily satisfy the hunger you feel. But only temporarily. In the long run, it'll make things a lot worse. You want to do it, but you know it's bad. And you know once you actually do it, you'll be in deep shit. You'll feel guilty and think, why did I to do this to myself? Why couldn't I just control it? Still, you want to do it so badly, and it's so hard to say no...