Everthing is falling apart (Possibly triggering)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Apr 3, 2012.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I have very little in life that keeps me going... and im scared im going to lose even more of it.

    The relative I live with and work for is sick... and I am unsure if I am watching him die or not. I hope he gets better... but I can't be sure. He is like a father to me... he is the person that taught me how to respect people, the right way to treat women (but they still won't go for me), and all and all how to be a man. Yes we have had more than our fair share of arguments and disagreements and in recent years he has found ways to frustrate the hell out of me... but regardless I don't want to be in this world if I am going to lose the few RL people that I care about.

    If I lose him... then im homeless soon enough. I am nothing more than a 22 year old infant. I tried to go the college path but failed... had to take 3 classes tops to get acceptable grades... and never found a major. Took me 4 years, and no degree, to realize im doomed in that regard. It was college failures that brought me to this site... He thinks he is training me in the fmaily business but is refuseing to let me take the most important things... which means the 4.5 years i have spent here has been wasted.

    The economy is a fucking joke... HOW THE FUCKING HELL DOES ONE GET EXPERIENCE IF NO ONE WILL HIRE HIM!!! This bul lshit about the recover is just that... if there are not abundant entry level jobs out there, where employers have no choice but to take a risk on people without education and experience then there is no hope for me or my generation. I knew when i was 16 the economy was going down... i shouldn't have lisented to the bull shit that said focus on school... I knew I would need that experience... but i listened to the lies. I am paying for that now and with the alleged recovery going as slow as it is ill be 30 before i get a minimum wage job...

    I never should have tried the family business without making damn sure i was going to learn the right things... I hae dug my own grave here. Even so the relationship I have had with the relative who owns it... has been wonderful at times despite the BS that came with it.

    To make things worse my knee is hurtin now more than ever... and the onlyh time life feels right is an activity that really needs it. I have no health insurance... If i need surgery it means the small amount of money I have is gone... and I don't have a job... and im in debt 10s of thousands if not hudrends of thousands... and i lose the only time that life feels worth living. I need to get this looked at once other areas are settled down... but if im going to lose my hobby for more than 3 months it will take 2 years for me to get my skill set back... and that will be hte end of me.

    If any one of these things gets worse... I don't think I havve it in me to continue. I have no freinds, no hope of a love life
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i Hope your relative gets well hun and you can continue reaching out to him for support you need to become independant hugs to you
  3. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    sending all my love random :hug: i hope he gets better, and that you can get your knee looked at. You are amazing and i hope you know this. I hope that as soon as you can you can try to mention to him what you feel jobwise :hug: you matter- never forget this, and know im here whenever you need me.
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