I'm in and out of SF today but I did just start reading your other posts and notice you said the same to
@gypsylee (she's awesome!) about joining a site like this. It is daunting, and yes it means you've recognised that your issues need dealing with, but that's a good thing and a positive step.
My counsellor often pulls me up when I start to suggest that my problems are in my head and it's just because I'm being dramatic, and she's right to do so. As scary as it is, don't shy away from this. Take your time, but do try to remove this mask of yours and accept who you are and when you need support or when you are not OK. It took me thirty five years to get into the state I'm in, so it would be foolish to assume that it can be resolved over night, if at all, but each day brings a new lesson and a bit more hope for a brighter future. You have a lot of life ahead of you, so don't spend it hiding behind a curtain. You'd be surprised at what others truly think when we open up, compared to the scenarios that we play out in our own minds. Try to be honest with yourself, learn your triggers and sort out what really matters to you rather than the things that may have happened in the past that you have no control over anyway.
We can learn from our past life but not change it, and the future hasn't been written yet so don't panic over what can't be foreseen and holds an infinite number of possibilities. Concentrate on the now and what you can do for yourself. Apart from the obvious necessity of caring for those that can't themselves, make you the priority of your life and find out who you are and want to be. I will get back to your story a bit later and reply accordingly, but for now just know that you've taken a step toward putting that mask away forever and being the real you.
I've just noticed that
@JmpMster has replied to your thread. You'll learn over time that everyone here has their own style of support, as you will find yours, but his I respect tremendously. He has a way of cutting right to what is important and putting things into perspective. My counsellor has said similar things to me, in slightly different words, that make me realise that it is my responsibility for how I choose to show myself to the world, not theirs. It really doesn't matter what we do, some people will always judge us and others won't, so it's best to be yourself in all things and that way you'll know you have done the best you could, remaining true to your identity, and letting others take equal responsibility for their own actions and reactions.
You'll get a lot of advice and support here, and it's all said with nothing but care and love; we can't know your entire story and will never judge you based on the little we do know, so it's important that you remember who you are inside and use what's offered here to best effect for you.
Yes the universes seems to throw stuff at us when we least need it, hence the "bad luck always comes in threes" saying, but it really is just in our minds. Some problems I face on a day to day basis are pretty trivial, and yet when I'm down they seem like the world is against me! When I'm up, however, even the worst of situations can barely affect me. Realise that at most times in life, in my opinion, it is our state of mind that dictates our reactions, not the problem itself. Have you ever tried reading when you're just not in the mood, and yet at other times you can't put a book down? It's a simple example, but the same activity can warrant very different reactions, based solely on our mindset at the time.
Professional help is always recommended, I've found it a great help, but keep posting as and when you need to, you're doing great and I'm sure you're going to fit in here very well.