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Every day is a blur…

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by rayray, Mar 7, 2018.

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  1. rayray

    rayray Well-Known Member

    since early childhood it’s always been difficult to wake up and put on a mask for the outside world to see… even for those that I love dearly… these days I don’t even know if I’m even doing it right… it feels so fake more then usual, I sometimes try to catch my reflection to see if it’s right… it used to be so easy and fast but now I can hardly get out of bed, I don’t even think I would if I didn’t have to care for my younger siblings… as each year goes by I feel like a part of me goes with it, like every bit of strength I had is no more…
  2. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Hello Rayray, and a belated welcome to the SF family.

    I'm known for ridiculously long replies to posts but I'll keep this one short as I haven't yet had time to read your other posts and learn your story, but I will.

    Your post caught my eye because this idea of a mask is something I think we all have to deal with, and yet here with the SF family it just isn't necessary. I know what it's like feeling we have to put on a brave face for those around us, and in certain circumstances that may be true (when around young children perhaps, IMO) but you'll soon realise, if you haven't already, that you don't have to here and it's actively encouraged not to.

    This is a safe place to talk openly without fear of judgement or condemnation, and we are all here to listen to and support you when you feel like you have no one else to turn to; you aren't alone.

    I try to look at it like this: when we start to feel tired of getting up every day and putting on the mask, it is simply our body's way of telling us that it's time to start healing instead of covering up. I know it's not easy, and it takes time, but I have learned the importance of listening to my body when it needs something. Just like when a physical pain tells us not to make that mistake again, like touching something hot, our psychological pain is trying to tell us what to avoid or deal with.

    I'm glad you've found SF and I hope you can feel relaxed here and get some relief from the daily torments, as I did and continue to.

    Stay safe and remember we are all here for you. {{Hedgehugs}}
    Mremptyinside and rayray like this.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    So why are you putting on this face? If it is for loved ones why? Do you think it is helping either them or you? By your own admission it gets harder every year and the longer you try- but my very sincere and well intentioned (if possibly difficult to answer) question is why? I ask this of many people tht explain how much energy and how tiring to pretend to be somebody they are not or to pretend to feel something they do not. Do you typically respect "fake people" or "posers"? Is it actually for other people you do this or are you doing this to protect your own image of what you want others to think you are- in other words-Because you want people to believe you are strong, happy , resilient, do not need help.. etc etc ? For your own ego?

    The truth while most think or like to believe they they are doing it for others is far closer to the they want people to think a certain thing about them so try to act a part - and yes- that is of course exhausting. More importantly it prevents the actual dealing with issues and problems, getting help when needed to grow coping skills and real strength, and to repress things all for the sake of making others think they are somehow better or stronger- a purely egotistical self driven motivation. My advice would be to stop pretending and faking so you are not too tired to get out of bed- be yourself and when something is too much say so or say no, and when you need help get it/ ask for it. This allows growth as a person, some time to be yourself and gives a chance to form actual bonds and relationships as opposed to fake friendships based on pretenses.
    rayray and Karmitkurmit like this.
  4. rayray

    rayray Well-Known Member

    Thanks Karmitkurmit, it took a while to finally sign up but I’m glad I did even though it’s scary to share my thoughts with who ever decides to stop by but at the same time it’s a lot easier then it would be face to face… I’m not good with people, I alway keep them at a safe distance. People can be cruel…

    From what I’ve seen here so far it looks like a place I can feel somewhat comfortable saying how ever I feel with out a mask… even if it is daunting at the same time… I couldn’t stop shaking as I posted…

    Everything that I’ve done in the past activity wise has helped me heal in a way but I haven’t had the time to do it for a while and when ever I’m lucky to find a bit of time to myself something happened, it’s like the universe has decided that it’s time to throw a few things my way again to see what’ll I do next. Ya know?

    thank you for chatting
    Mremptyinside and Karmitkurmit like this.
  5. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    I'm in and out of SF today but I did just start reading your other posts and notice you said the same to @gypsylee (she's awesome!) about joining a site like this. It is daunting, and yes it means you've recognised that your issues need dealing with, but that's a good thing and a positive step.

    My counsellor often pulls me up when I start to suggest that my problems are in my head and it's just because I'm being dramatic, and she's right to do so. As scary as it is, don't shy away from this. Take your time, but do try to remove this mask of yours and accept who you are and when you need support or when you are not OK. It took me thirty five years to get into the state I'm in, so it would be foolish to assume that it can be resolved over night, if at all, but each day brings a new lesson and a bit more hope for a brighter future. You have a lot of life ahead of you, so don't spend it hiding behind a curtain. You'd be surprised at what others truly think when we open up, compared to the scenarios that we play out in our own minds. Try to be honest with yourself, learn your triggers and sort out what really matters to you rather than the things that may have happened in the past that you have no control over anyway.

    We can learn from our past life but not change it, and the future hasn't been written yet so don't panic over what can't be foreseen and holds an infinite number of possibilities. Concentrate on the now and what you can do for yourself. Apart from the obvious necessity of caring for those that can't themselves, make you the priority of your life and find out who you are and want to be. I will get back to your story a bit later and reply accordingly, but for now just know that you've taken a step toward putting that mask away forever and being the real you.

    I've just noticed that @JmpMster has replied to your thread. You'll learn over time that everyone here has their own style of support, as you will find yours, but his I respect tremendously. He has a way of cutting right to what is important and putting things into perspective. My counsellor has said similar things to me, in slightly different words, that make me realise that it is my responsibility for how I choose to show myself to the world, not theirs. It really doesn't matter what we do, some people will always judge us and others won't, so it's best to be yourself in all things and that way you'll know you have done the best you could, remaining true to your identity, and letting others take equal responsibility for their own actions and reactions.

    You'll get a lot of advice and support here, and it's all said with nothing but care and love; we can't know your entire story and will never judge you based on the little we do know, so it's important that you remember who you are inside and use what's offered here to best effect for you.

    Yes the universes seems to throw stuff at us when we least need it, hence the "bad luck always comes in threes" saying, but it really is just in our minds. Some problems I face on a day to day basis are pretty trivial, and yet when I'm down they seem like the world is against me! When I'm up, however, even the worst of situations can barely affect me. Realise that at most times in life, in my opinion, it is our state of mind that dictates our reactions, not the problem itself. Have you ever tried reading when you're just not in the mood, and yet at other times you can't put a book down? It's a simple example, but the same activity can warrant very different reactions, based solely on our mindset at the time.

    Professional help is always recommended, I've found it a great help, but keep posting as and when you need to, you're doing great and I'm sure you're going to fit in here very well.
    rayray likes this.
  6. rayray

    rayray Well-Known Member

    I’m not sure if this answer your question why… its something I’ve always had to do from a young age, I’ve always had it drummed into my head that I was never to allow anyone in and to never show anyone if something was wrong with me. I’d get punished if I failed to do so from my mum if she’s found out so it scared me to show how I was really feeling inside no matter how much it killed me.. I just wanted to please her no matter what like most children..

    No I don’t respect those types of people.. I try to be me as much as I can with out putting my own problems and baggage onto someone else. I’ve let people in before, in the past and that didn’t turn out so well, I guess I had this habit of trusting the wrong people or just not knowing them long enough before I decided to trust them and a lot of the time I was never in one place for too long since we moved around a lot since I was a toddler. A little hard to make a connection and children can be cruel..

    It’s not that I want people to think I’m strong, happy, resilient or don’t need help to feed my ego. I’ve tried to get help in the past but have let my depression and anxiety get the better of me…

    I’m not really sure if this has answered your question at all..
  7. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Ah see, the King of the Hedge has got your back.. You’re laughing! (That might be an Aussie saying meaning “things will be ok”?) :)
    rayray and Karmitkurmit like this.
  8. rayray

    rayray Well-Known Member

    Yes it probably is a positive step to make at this point in time, after all that’s why im here despite every part of me telling me otherwise… I’m trying to work my way up to seeing a professional about it of course but atm… I don’t think I’m fully ready because of Pacific things happening in my life..

    i try to be honest with myself which is why I’m still here. It was difficult at first to learn my triggers and to find out what worked for me. I still have a long way to go and it’s definitely not something that can happen over night..

    Yeah everyone is definitely different their own style of support, that’s what made it so terrifying to post.. I didn’t know what to expect.. yes humans will be humans.

    Yeah it can definitely be all in our head at times, that’s why it’s always good to step back and really look at a situation. I have that problem when I paint, sometimes it’s difficult to finish off a piece even thought I know exactly how it’s going to look.
  9. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    It is terrifying to post for some, including myself; I only recently had one moved because I don't accept attention and support too well, but thanks to the compassion and understanding of the people here I'm slowly learning to open up. You're already a step ahead of me so keep it up, but take your time as well; healing is nearly instant for some as you'll see here, but for others it can be a life long journey (at the extremes), so don't worry if nothing seems to be changing straight away, and take a breather if you start to get overwhelmed.

    I'm glad you're considering professional support, but I know it's not always that simple just to go out and get it. There's some great guys and gals on here that know a lot about seeking help when it's not always readily available or possible, so read through some of the previous posts or start another thread in the advice sections of the forum so that the most appropriate people for your circumstances can see it. Have you been into chat yet? It can get a little odd in there but it's great fun and if you do need immediate support then everyone will listen and there's a separate chat room if you need things to be a little quieter.

    You paint?? That's great :) I'm sure you know already but just in case you don't, there's a member contribution section that allows us to post our art work or poems, etc, if you feel like sharing. Obviously you don't have to but it's more than welcome and very well received; sometimes it's nice to see some positive things that people are doing in their lives as a distraction to all the pain.

    What corner of the world are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

    If you ever need to know anything about the site don't hesitate to ask either a member or the staff, they're all great and really friendly. :)
    rayray likes this.
  10. rayray

    rayray Well-Known Member

    Hey Karmitkurmit,

    Yeah that’s definitely something I’ve learned though out my life so far, is that nothing I change over night no matter how much you wish it could, that everything takes time no matter how big or small it is.

    Do u mean the mobile chat??

    Yep I do, it’s the main thing in my life that I’ve used to express myself. I don’t know what I would have done without it ya know. Yeah I’ll definitely have to look at it!

    Not at all. I’m from melbourne Australia, how about you?

    I’ll keep that in mind, Thank u
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