Every day is an epic battle

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darkcloud, Mar 21, 2007.

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  1. darkcloud

    darkcloud Member

    This is the first time I have ever been on a forum, and somehow I am convinced, no one will be able to help me.

    I am at a very dark place right now. I am truly fed up with EVERYTHING! Life is completely and utterly shit. A major disapointment, although, I have seen and done alot of things, like travelling and graduating from Uni.

    I do apprciate life, but maybe not my own. I feel I do not deserve to live.

    I try not to endulge in the way I feel but its hard not to. Everyone thinks I'm pathetic and craving attention, when its not all what I'm trying to do.

    What I really want to do is disapear into a black hole where no one can see me for years.

    One of the things I am mostly afraid of is if I see old school friends who are Oxford and Cambrdge University graduates boast about what they are doing next. I feel like a complete and utter failure.

    No one is truly there for me because no one truly understands me.

    I'm so screwed up from the day I was born.

    It was easier to deal with when I had a job, but now I dont have that.

    In my head it's just dark, I'm having a lot of bad dreams more frequently too.

    Just keep remembering all the things that are wrong with me.
    Sexually abused as a child
    No parental support or love, given only material things
    Abused about my weight by parents and outsiders
    Abused about my skin
    Never been out with a guy and I'm half way through my 20s
    Still living with abusive mother
    thousands of pounds in debt
    No desire to groom, eg pluck eyebrows or shave armpits
    Domestic violence
    Most importantly, no one even respects anything I have to say.
    Nothing I do counts for anything to anyone
    I seem to have not a chance in hell to meeting anyone.
    Eating disorders....

    I could go one. Tell me why I should go on????????????? There is nothing on this stupid planet.
  2. CM 1000

    CM 1000 Guest

    Not to try all to change in your life of only one blow but go a thing at the same time it is necessary there to establish priority and the first thing has to do is to make the following meditation.
    I believe that it is because you have an archetypal idea of you kill. This idea is unconscious sometimes during several years and then it goes up with the conscience following certain emotions. You know that such an idea is very powerful and thus comes from your ancestors it really does not belong to you. I believe that the best way of getting rid some is to make a meditation the eyes close ` ' you must think than this idea come you from your ancestors and than you this idea gives to them and than they will be able what to make avec' '. For more information on the archetypal idea to see French site an idea of archetypal nature, according to Dr. Daniel Bordeleau http://www.forum.umontreal.ca/numeros/1997-1998/Forum97-11-17/article05.html you can use to translate. http://babelfish.altavista.com/
  3. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    Darkcloud - There is always a reason to go on. Everybody has a reason for existing. Sometimes (actually most of the time), it's simply hard to see. And, everybody deserves to live.

    "Life is shit" - There is a lot of truth in that statement. It never was meant to be easy. Yet, if you think about it, it's so brief it's worth sticking it out. A sheer 80 year existence.

    If you want to talk, PM me.

    BTW, welcome to the Forum! :hug:
  4. PoetMan

    PoetMan Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF

    Your story moves me. Unlike a lot of the people I try to help, you and I have almost nothing in common.

    I feel for you nontheless. Don't give up!
  5. ++soul-searcher++

    ++soul-searcher++ Well-Known Member


    you have had ALOT of shit to contend with in your lifetime and still currently seem to and you need to give yourself some credit for still being here to be able to write that post. You show an enormous strength of character. Have you ever recieved any kind of therapy regarding the past abuse? Do you see any proffessionals of any kind? Alot of the way you feel about yourself today is a result of how other people have treated you and made you feel or told you you are. It's not the truth. "other peoples opinion of u does not have to become your reality".
    If at all possible you should move away from living from your mothers. Live somewhere 'safe'. And start to build your life back up again. Not being bothered to 'groom' as you say is i suppose a symptom of depression as in self neglect. Do you recieve any help for your ED?
    Don't give up please. Don't end your life because of the evilness of the way people have treated you in the past. Whatyou say is respected here and counts for something.
    Don't want to ramble on but please email, pm or msn me anytime should you feel you need to talk. However bad it feels now it WILL not always be like this. Nothing lasts forever and feelings pass with time.


  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Hey, I hope your right about that, as I don't feel that way. :sad:
  7. darkcloud

    darkcloud Member

    Thank you for that message, but I dont know who tosee or who I can talk to.
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    The best place to start for help if your GP. Maybe print out your post and show it to your doc. He will have a really good idea of help you, where to refer you to, and also who might be able to help you with your money problems.

    If you are in the UK, you could go to your local citizens advice bureau who can also help you with money problems, and housing. It sounds like you need to get away from your mother and into your own space to help you move forward.

    I agree that therapy could really really help, and the doctors is a good way to access that. Also, again, if you are in the UK, you can contact your local MIND, and the CAB, and see what they can offer you.

    There is a lot of help out there if you know where to look for it.

    You are not alone, and there is so much help for you, it's just tapping into it and finding the best ways to help yourself.

    If you need a chat, feel free to PM me, my PM box is always open.

    Take care and keep fighting
  9. VengeanceDNS

    VengeanceDNS Active Member

    well other than professional help feel free to talk to me
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