Every day(sorry if i am posting again)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by life, Jul 24, 2007.

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  1. life

    life Well-Known Member

    everyday i feel very bad and wanna die as usual!....i keep on and on saying this to this forum sorry for this...I just want a relief cuz i am very tired...The only time that i feel good its when i am sleeping...If i overdose sometime i will od big time! a lot!...and if i keep failing then i will use my last chance...Drug overdose kokain and stuff and if that doesntmake me die...then ill make my self my liver to fail!....And hopefully die forever and be in peace...everyday i read other peoples post and i feel sorry all of u!...Life is over to me!...if something miracle happens then i would continue but its not happing !
  2. Vorath

    Vorath Guest

    Saying how you feel is nothing to apologise for, it may help you cope (even in a tiny way) and that's a good thing.

    And please don't try the methods you were suggesting. They are in no way guaranteed and could leave you in alot more pain than you currently are.

    Keep holding on if you can, never know what tomorrow will bring.
  3. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    please post how you feel! it can sometimes be a great relesase!

    you sound anxious to me. I thnk that is perfectly normal to feel anxioius when you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and urges. In a way, your mind is holding yourself hostage. there comes a point when the thought is so repetitive it takes you prisoner. A survival instinct tries to beat it down but the thought is so pressing and constant.

    What does it mean? It doesn't mean that you must harm yourself, or that it's just a matter of time or you can't resist. It doesn't mean that at all!

    Suicide can be an obsessive thought. It carries with it a LOAD of emotions (like being in a hostage situation). It's highly distressing.. so how do you turn it off?

    Here is what I went through to "turn off" sucidal obsessive thoughts.
    1). open yourself to a different perspective: Right now, emotional thoughts and reasoning are making up your whole reality. the thought, the feelings, the urges are all powerful. You can change that. Distraction is the first tool at a time like this because it is the most powerful. Why is it powerful? Because when you are completely absorbed into something else your emotions change and you find relief. maybe it's a video game.. maybe it's a hobby or project, a book, etc. Anyting that stimulates your intellect and pulls you away from the emotional mind. I recommend word puzzles, chess, learning an instrument, planning a camping trip, magic trick, designing a motorcycle., etc.

    2). open yourself to a new truth: When the ideas in your mind are focused away from suicidal thoughts and urges you feel differently. It could be you feel "numb".. not as anxious. It could be interest in the task actually brings your emotions up a bit. The important truth is they changed and you changed them. Suicidal thoughts are not coming at you from outside. What we tell ourself about what is around us or happening to us directly impacts our state of mood.

    3). Open yourself to a new story: What are you telling yourself about the world around you? From my personal past I would tell myself "I have no control" or "I can't do this". i would tell myself, "I have done this and it doesn't work." or "it will only work for a small amount of time so who cares." I would tell myself, "no one one cares." "It's inevitable." And then I would either get LOST in the past or despair over the future.

    I know there is a lot more to it, things we think about our world, our past and our future. there may be drugs in the picture, flashbacks, people in our life demeaning us and taking away our power every day. Even so, it VERY important what we say to ourself. (This isn't just optimistic prattle!) This is a truth! A bonafide truth! I'm not saying if you tell yourself your 9 feet tall your going to start ducking through doorways or stop and smell the roses or any of that s#@t. What I'm saying is if you catch your thought saying "you can't" or "no one cares" or "nothing works anyway" or "I'm not strong enough" or ... well, you get the idea. What makes that thought truth? Why do you believe it? Isn't it reallly just a belief? And when you think about WHY you believe it what story came to mind. It is a story, an imagining.

    Whenever we think about the past, future or present the mind adds footnotes. Often, it organizes the events in a story. those footnotes.. that story.. will impact your state of mind. We can even let other people add footnotes to the story. Maybe you were told you were "no good" or would never amount to anything. Maybe your control was taken away and you told yourself "I have no control over my life". maybe you lost a loved one or were rejected and told yourself, "i cannot be loved".

    Open yourself to a new story. change the footnotes. challenge those beliefs that are holding you hostage. If you need help with that we're here for you. You tell us your story or beliefs and let us add new footnotes!
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Talking about this like you have down can help and sometimes be the start of a change. It would be nice if you stayed on SF and alive for that matter. stay and talk and hopefully you don't have to deal with this on your own.
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