every day, the suicidal thoughts are there, and it gets tiring. something goes wrong, and it reminds me of how miserable i am, and immediately my mind goes 'god, i want to kill myself so badly'. i'll screw something up, and think 'i can't wait until i commit suicide'. each and every day. it get so old, but i can't even control it anymore. the suicidal thoughts haunt me at all times. i hate it.