Every night feels like the end.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hoppip, Oct 12, 2014.

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  1. Hoppip

    Hoppip New Member

    Hey guys, this is pretty much my first post here. I'm not sure if anyone really cares or not but I'll write it anyway. I'm 19, and all throughout my teenage life suicide has been on my mind. I've always tried to give myself goals and milestones to work towards to help my feelings. But lately, even those aren't working. My entire life makes me paranoid, even walking around town and shopping. I never feel normal.

    So any small thing makes me sad and angry at myself to the point of me wishing I had the balls to end my own life. My girlfriend got angry at me last night and continues to be angry because I didn't tell her I was going to stay with a friend that night. And yet again, this small thing has pushed me over the edge. I'm just drinking half a glass of vodka at a time to stop myself from thinking about it.

    I guess what I want to know is, how do you guys stop yourself from doing anything when you feel like you're on the brink?..
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. FIRSTLY, DO NOT ACT ON YOUR FEELINGS, VODKA ONLY MAKES YOU MORE ANXIOUS. Do not devalue yourself, you are a decent person who finding it tough at the moment. You feel like that you on the edge of the world and just want to jump. NO, you start by appreciating life. You have SO MANY REASONS TO LIVE. You are young and got the rest of your life to live. Relationships are hard but do not think you have done wrong. You should be allowed some "me" time and she should be understanding. If she does not understand, then that's her problem. You have done nothing wrong... DO NOT WORRY NOW..
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2014
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hoppip, I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly and struggling so much. I understand how the small things can be so upsetting. You are already struggling, trying to hang on, then something else gets dropped in your lap. I got really upset yesterday morning because I found weeds in a part of my lawn that I had just reseeded. A really trivial thing, but on top of being laid off from my job, it was enough to set me off.

    I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for several decades. I can only share what works for me when I am on the edge. First I recognize the 'the edge' usually lasts for only a short period of time. Not that everything suddenly gets better, but its just that the absolute worst moments usually only last a few hours. That means that if I can keep myself occupied for a relatively short time, I will survive to fight another day. And I have found that fighting for that next day is worth the effort.

    So find a movie to watch, a book to read, a game to play, someone to talk to. Come to this site and write about how you are feeling. Read about other peoples struggles and see if you can help them. Drop in to the chat room for a visit. Discussions can be light or serious. A few hours in chat may be all you need to get past that time on the edge. I read a book by a concentration camp survivor once. His advice was to find just one thing to hang on to and build from there. That one thing did not have to be fancy. A cool breeze on a hot day, watching the beauty of the clouds, shopping at a new place, trying a new food. But stay with it and give things a chance to get better.
  4. Hi, welcome to SF.
    Try to stay away from vodka and other alcoholic drinks as these will make you even more depressed. Try getting out of the house, get into a bit of sunshine and do some sports (running for example) to take your mind off negative issues. :hug:
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