every night i think it's going to be the night. then i lie in bed and i pray that God will take me away in my sleep and i'll never have to wake up in this life. Every morning i wake up disappointed. I haven't felt this way in a few months and last time i just ended up back in hospital with more questions to answer for. I feel like i've been through every stage of help and it all just keeps coming back. I don't feel the same this time. This time i'm just tired. I don't want to be in the life that i am and i don't care for the consequences of my actions. I feel heartless and numb. I really wish i could just fall into an eternal sleep.