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Every time I go up...I come down again

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Hello everyone,

I just thought I’d come in here and get stuff off my chest, hoping it’ll do some good. I’ve been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. Last year I had a bad year and I’ve not really recovered. I’m not really at the rock bottom I was then but it’s precisely because some good things have happened and not cheered me up that I’m back being depressed again.

Last year a stupid accident with a shotgun screwed up one of my ears and left me with tinnitus. Not long after that I split up with my girlfriend, and a month or so later realised it was the dumbest thing I ever did and probably ever will do. To cut a long story short, the combination of those two things means I can’t get over her at all. 16 months on and I think of her everyday. It’s pathetic. Plus I can’t really go out and really lose it because I’ve got take care of my ear. I still go out, it just doesn’t do me the good I need. I did some djing too so that’s another thing I loved that I’ve sort of lost. It never rains, it pours eh? :huh:

Since then I’ve met some new friends and occasionally I meet a girl and my mood picks up, but every time I go back to wishing I was back with my old girlfriend and come crashing down again. And then other silly little knock backs come along and it gets worse. And when that happens, like it is now, I spend all day wishing I could just end it. So that means no work gets done I get further into a mess. Shit, people put up with far worse than I do but somehow that realisation doesn’t help one bit. It’s just that two years ago I was flying high and life was peachy…and it all fucked up. :sad:

Sorry, I’m sure people have worse to put up with. But I just had to say it because for various reasons there’s no one I can really talk to about this.


Staff Alumni
Hi and :welcome: to the forum

I hope it helped to talk about what's going on for you here.. it does sound like you have a lot going on for you.. especially all happening at once. I dont know why life has a tendency of doing that to us? :hug:

Please don't worry about being judged here (re your concerns about others having it worse off).. we're all here for eachother no matter what and remember that different people deal with feelings and situations differently to others.

I wish i knew what to say to help.. i hope that you will stick around and keep posting if it has helped to write it all out. And please remember that although you feel that everytime you go up, you come down again.. it's also true that everytime you go down you come up again!

Take care and hope to see you around
Jenny x
what is she doing now? do you guys ever talk or run into each other? any sign that she misses you? i guess 16 months is a long time though. did you ever tell her later how you felt?
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