I can't believe I'm actually writing this... Obviously, I'm new here. I've been depressed most of my life and suicidal part of it. Sometimes you reach a point where you have nowhere else to go - maybe that's why I'm here, when there are no friends left, no outlet left. I've been journaling but frankly, talking to myself just makes it worse, it underlines the loneliness I'm in, and I hardly need that. I'm already self-centered enough, trapped inside, unable to reach out. I know I'm not alone in what I'm feeling, not sure it changes anything though. What does? Does anything help? I'm not sure. The only way to communicate I know is through writing, my voice is gone. I can't talk. Growing up, I just felt ashamed of who I was, tried to please everyone, and after years of doing that, I hardly know who I am anymore. I never know what to say. I never know what to feel - or plainly what I feel, what I want, what I need, what my purpose is. Nothing but confusion remains. It seems like I'm already dead, because when I look inside there's nothing there. I'm a ghost, and it seems too late to change the road I'm on. There are so many ways to commit suicide. I commit suicide every day by the way I live. Not that I cut or burn myself, I'm just lost in the flow, going in circles, I wait for life to pass me by, I wait for death. I'm a spectator, watching myself from the outside, wondering - is this real? It all seems like a dream. Give me a cause to die for, anything but this emptiness that is worse than death. I guess I'm a just typical disillusionned child of the Western world. I just wish I could wake up from this. As for the purpose of this post, I don't know it myself.