I've been cutting for about 7 years now. It seemed to be when I was really stressed out or not coping. But lately it seems that everyday I feel the draw to my blade. Everyday mostly out of the blue, my feelings and emotions just explode! Sometimes I don't even realize what I was doing until I see the blood dripping off my arm or elbow. The past couple of weekends have been terrible. The cutting has been getting more intense, deeper and longer slits. I have recently moved to my groin because there is really no where left on my arm. It is taking over. I used to cut for the sense of control it gave me. Now I cut because I feel like it is the only thing I can do. While I was in hospital after a suicide attempt, the docs there saw how intense my cutting was. I would sneak blades in when I got passes. They caught me so many times that they gave me permission to keep cutting!!!! The one place I thought I might get help for this. I've tried so many alternatives and have been to counselling and a support group. Am I destined to this for the rest of my life? What do I do when my groin is too cut up? I have tried several times recently to seek help but usually chicken out and find somewhere to cut instead. It doesn't serve the purpose it once did for me. Not it is almost like a necessity for everyday life. I want to stop but I can't. The worst part is when my kids see the new cuts. I can see on their faces how disappointed they are in me. God I wish I could just die and end all of this.