Everyday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Doesi, Aug 16, 2011.

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  1. Doesi

    Doesi New Member

    For the past 11 years, since I was 13, now 25, have thought of suicide every day. I am not sure what is wrong with me, I told two people, one of them got spooked and I ended up in an old school (One flew over the Coo) type place for 3 days. It has defined most of my life, from truency problems in school, to dropping out of high school and to every relationship I have had. Recently, I graduated university, finding a job, not doing well on my graduate school admission exams, and ending a 3 year live together relationship has sent me closer to the bottom than I have ever been to.

    I am not sure what to do or how to even begin expressing how much these thoughts have consumed most of my life. I have went to counsellors and other professionals but dare not do I tell them the true root of why I am coming in. Sure, I talk about my past including severe physical and emotional abuse and other things that went on when I was a child but it has not got me anywhere so far. I went to an anonymous sit in with a counsellor and told her what was going on and she recommended serious 'right now' action and I walked out. It feels like they are scared of not taking drastic measures because of the what if scenarios. I have tried explaining my situation, that it has been going on constantly, every morning, every night and everywhere for over 10 years and it just drains me. Anyways, you guys are the third person to hear this.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HI hun welcome to SF Have you asked your doctor for medication to help decrease t he unwanted thoughts You can go to hospital get some therapy there but leaving all that pain inside you it won't help okay You need to face it with professional help and gradually you can heal hun it will be hard but it needs to be done hugs
     
  3. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    Hiya Doesi,

    Welcome to the forum! I am really sorry to hear about everything that has happened to you in the past.
    Ive also had a lot of issues with Councillors and their cold approach, leaves you feeling more like a statistic than a person and sometimes you end up leaving feeling worse than you went in.
    Feeling suicidal puts a lot of strain on any relationship because your not just trying to keep things together your also having to focus on keeping yourself together,,,, its draining and can leave you feeling more empty than when you began,,, at least it has for me sometimes.
    I hope that you find people here who you can talk to and relate to,, there's plenty of nutters who will make you smile aswell!
    If you ever need anyone to talk to you can always PM me,
    I hope you are feeling ok,,, take care of yourself xx Amy
     
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You can think about suicide everyday and as long as you do not actually ruminate - then maybe your just most people who get a feeling now and again that life is whatever!

    You just lost your woman - you lived with her for three years so your sleeping alone for the first night (maybe) in 1000 or so nights.

    No wonder your down!

    And not sure if medication is actually designed for love-lost-blues - otherwise everyone would have taken meds at some point - if only for week or so.

    As for counsellors - I've never seen one - but know a few - and for many its just a job - they are 'cold' just like a hooker is cold. sharing something with someone for money - it seems sordid to me - but there are nice counsellors I'm sure - maybe ones who had depression would know - the rest, did they not just read books, go to lectures? Which makes you an 'expert' just because of a certificate.

    In fact, maybe paying a hooker would be a better choice - they are 'cold' - but if you just want to talk to them - they would listen and pretend to be a lot more sympathetic than a counsellor.

    I'm not sure why I ought to pay someone £1000 to tell them I feel like dying and have them tell me not to die.

    I can just come here - save that £1000 and buy a fantastic guitar.

    So - thanks for opening up mate! You come to a good place and hope you stick around and get well.

    I'm sure you will.

    Were there is life there is hope.

    Regards!
     
  5. ExtreemWays

    ExtreemWays Active Member

    Doesi,

    yes, I have the same problem. Everyday for years. I dare not tell people what I really think or how I really feel, so I just say nothing and they think all is ok.

    It's very difficult to fully communicate to people these types of thoughts. How they hound you at all times, never letting up. People try but for the most part they just don't get it.

    With all that said, you've got to always try, you've got to go down swinging. Try and find a good psychiatrist and try to work with them on your situation. Over time you will probably find at least some relief.


    -ew
     
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