everyone except me...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Saria, May 17, 2011.

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  1. Saria

    Saria Member

    You know those 'one in million' people who seem to be smart, logical, beautiful, and talented at everything under the sun? It just so happens i know someone like that...my younger sister (by 3 years difference).

    I can't tell you how miserable it has made me all my life to be in her shadows? If you know how sisters work, they are always comparing to each other.

    What's worse? I don't have a single talent (at 24 and still nothing), I'm very slow when it comes to school and problems, and i can tell you honestly (this is the truth) that i am a slightly unattractive girl (not hideously ugly but not really cute either).

    It makes me crazy. I love my sister and we are great friends. How can someone who makes me feel happy to be around also be able to make me feel sad.

    She doesn't see it (of course) I try to explain to her how i feel and she gets upset and doesn't wanna hear it.

    I dunno what to do. I'm always the homely girl who is glued to her side while all the guys fawn over her. It makes me so miserable.

    Sorry, i just needed to let this out. I hope this doesn't count as a rant but i'm looking for advice too on how to handle this so i'm not left feeling sad. (I can tell you i have had many guys drop me like a hot potato when they saw her...and even though she is nice enough to not accept them after that, it still hurts).

    Why is it everyone out there doesn't have to deal with this sort of thing with their siblings, except me? (at least, not to this extreme)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2011
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    99.99% of the population makes comparisons - either the individual sees his/herself as superior (to an extent), or inferior. Both are counterproductive.

    These insecurities, these comparisons are yours alone, and your doing. You are in control, whether you realize it or not. That means you can stop them just the same. By no means an easy feat, especially when this has been an ongoing pattern of thought throughout your entire life.

    You have to start counteracting these thoughts, one by one, every time such thinking happens. Catching your mind when such thoughts arise, stepping back from them, questioning them, as opposed to accepting them is what it is going to take. "No I don't want to feel this way, so what am I going to do about it?" Start by saying, "I am not my sister, her life is not a reflection of mine, or how I should live, so at this very second I am not going to compare." As mentioned, don't compare yourself in favorable ways, either, ie "My hair is much more beautiful than hers." That breeds insecurity as well.

    Another thing that is of utmost importance is finding what your strong points are. You may not be able to pinpoint them right now, and that's okay. Just be open to the possibility, that yes, you are good at something, and that with time, it will show itself.

    Do things for you. Pursue interests, partake in something you normally wouldn't, even if it's considered small, it's change nonetheless.
     
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    You know, as I read this I realised that I was wondering if you were my older sister. She says she jealous of my looks and that I'm smarter than her, etc, but she's only looking at the few areas of my pathetic life that may be slighter better than hers. She doesn't see all the things I'm jealous of her for; her long-term relationship, her steady job that she enjoys, her independence, that she's the life and soul of every party.

    I completely understand the pain this causes you. It's natural to compare yourself to your siblings, and to feel that you don't measure up is devastating. But try to think of me and my sister. We're probably equally jealous of each other, even though it may look one-sided to each of us. It seems crazy, but there are things your sister is jealous of you for. So if you can, try to look past the comparisons. You love each other and you enjoy each other's company. Make that enough. Because no-one else is comparing you to each other, just you.

    Mim
     
  4. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, dont compare yourself to others. Just be you. Think more about how you can heal yourself from depression. My whole family works except me. Im also older than my cousin by three years and the worthless younger sibling.but i dont give a damn. They are all egotistical bungholes and i have better things to worry about like my depression.
     
  5. SentinelMG

    SentinelMG Active Member

    Saria, it's easy to see these things in others, but you have to realize that she might feel the same way about YOU. I have a very similar relationship with my younger brother; we are both fortunate enough to be gifted in a number of things, but when we were younger, it really bothered me that he was more apt at music than I. In fact, that's not even true...he worked harder than I was willing to. It's completely normal for siblings to feel competitive with each other, even over silly things (I nearly have to refuse to play board games with them because it's just too rough with us!)

    Look at your life; it is possible she is naturally more intelligent, but so what? What does intelligence buy you? After a point, insanity! Just look at Ted Kaczynki (Unabomber)! Be grateful for the gifts that you have that she longs after!

    And if there is one thing I've learned, it's that the younger siblings almost always look up to the older ones. I'm sure she's just as much in awe of you as you are of her.
     
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