Everyones leaving

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Sep 18, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Everyones leaving me...

    I just want to die..

    its bad enough that i have no one here close by when i log offline but now everyone online i care about is leaving me and soon i will be all alone

    I cant be here if everyone leaves me then i would be alone here online.. just cant...

    i might as well just go myself...

    no need in staying cause everyone is leaving me..

    i should have known it would happen

    everyone leaves me..

    they say they love me but leave me..

    i give up...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2007
  2. zaraki

    zaraki Active Member

    Don't leave White Dove. I know its hard but people here still need you. You have to stay strong. Don't give up hope! :hug:
     
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    but what hope do i really have?

    I am dying of cancer.. i am taking meds more and more to stop the pain.. drinking more and more to help keep me numb.. I know that taking more then what is required or safe for the pain meds will eventually catch up to me and i will have a heart attack or something but when they get immune to stopping my pain i take more to get the safe pain releaf..

    Everyone that i have ever loved or cared for deeply has left me , they either passed away or up and left because appearently they were not that close to me or did not care for me like i did them..

    Thats my biggest problem.. My heart loves too much, my heart cares too much.. my heart loves deeply like Jesus did but then when it does it gets hurt.. I should not even have a heart at all.. I wished i didnt love. i wished i didnt have a heart , cause then i would never get hurt..

    if i was to die right now no one would even notice.. they would not even care. my brother would just bury me and go on.. no one would cry.. so why am i still here??? I cant help anyone cause i cant even help myself get out of this depression. how can i? im dying anyway and taking the pain meds and increasing them while drinking beer is putting a strain on my heart and its gonna stop soon but its only way to ease the pain..

    I just could go on and go tonight so easily and it would not matter , everything was given to God anyway.. My spirit will go back to him and my body will just rot away so i am basically nothing.. i just want to be nothing. i want no part of my life anymore. i cant even keep those i love because they always leave me and if i was to post some feelings again it will turn into others saying i want attention or playing some kind of game but this hurt is real not a game.

    hurting is just too deep tonight.. Ace has gone.. i cant chat with expressive child like before.. i am alone.. totally alone but im worthless and cant help anyone.. im just not worth anything. my soul is not worth anything..

    nothing.. thats what i am is nothing to no one.. how many will come to my funeral? no one.. cause i am not worth anything, im useless, just need to through me out with the trash cause i am trash
     
  4. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I would notice and care if you died. :hug: You can pm me anytime if you want to talk. I'll probably stay a while longer than planned, promised Ace that I'd try to fight this one more time. :dry:
     
  5. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Im still here for you hun its Dawn i had to change my user name to patience.
    I agree all the people i used to talk to here at SF seem to have gone i used to find it so helpful to talk here but they have all gone
    Im still here though if u need to talk hun kust pm anytime your not alone:hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
  6. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Whitw dove u are a big fightter ;i know u can overcome everything...please be strong...be positive and u can overcome ur cancer....I dont know u but i can feel that u are having hard times....please dont go ... Everyone here cares about u :( ....
     
  7. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    You can beat this
     
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