I am a very private person who does not share the details of my life with anyone, including my friends, family, and psychiatrist. I do not have a therapist because I do not want to talk about myself. Posting here anonymously is a relief. I am very sad and alone. I've tried all I can and as hard as I can to overcome depression. I've been very successful on the outside in my career and in my life, but feel so tired on the inside. I made a few suicide attempts in the past year that were quite serious -- I had to be revived, etc. I was in the hospital for months. Then, when I was released, everyone knew everything about me and they all had expectations that I would return to my normal state of conforming to the professional, sterile, standards of existence. And I have. I do not ever want anyone to know anything about me again. My mom died right before I made my three serious attempts. I think her passing freed me from the guilt of hurting her that used to keep me alive. Now I have nothing to tie me to my life. I have a six year old son and a husband, but they would be better off without me. Every day since my last suicide attempt in March, I regret that I didn't succeed. I have the means to try again and a detailed plan. I want to minimize my family's suffering while achieving an end to my own suffering. I guess I don't know why I'm posting this message except to feel less alone without incurring the consequences of revealing myself to anyone I actually know. Thanks for listening.