Everything Building Up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ascrnuone, May 10, 2011.

  1. Ascrnuone

    Ascrnuone Member

    Everything in my life is just building up, and the only decisions I can make will result in me being absolutely miserable.

    First of all I've had the worst year of my life, from working at the place that I detest with a vengeance over a time I should be relaxing and enjoying free time away from university, to having a complete work overload of coursework and exams while having no drive to do them, which has cost me so many sleepless nights I can actually feel my sanity slipping away from me. And now I've got to make a decision of either quitting my job, or going back to the work place I hate so much. I can't live alone in the area near my uni as I don't have the income.

    Also, whatever decision I make I have to wait for over a month before I can get sorted out to apply for a new job, which means either growing increasingly suicidal working at a place I would compare to hell, or being unemployed and have my low amount of money get increasingly lower. I've checked nearly everyday for any job vacancies in around my home, but there aren't any.

    My parents haven't been any help as they don't seem to understand how much I hate my last workplace, despite being the ones who saw me coming home every night so pissed off that I could kill, and all they've said is I've got to make the decision or I'm fucked, but how the hell can I make a decision when the only two options will make me feel worse?

    In some ways the answer is academic: choose the job. But how can you choose to go back to a place which has made you feel like crap for the past 5 years. I mean, I've been bullied, ignored, been expected to sort out their own mistakes or risk being punished, spoken down to like I'm an idiot, screamed at for not knowing information they never bothered to tell me about, expected to give an arm and a leg then told I'm not needed after sacrificing god knows what to come in, and all the while they've been benefiting from the amount of hard work I put into customer service and maintaining the standards of the workplace. I would actually love to quit, but the thought of that month+ where I'm going to be unemployed and so depressed makes the decision a complete nightmare.

    Sometimes I've gotten so stressed I can't think straight and all I can do is lay there, getting even more stressed worrying about how I've got an essay to hand in or and exam in a weeks time. I can't tell you how many times I've wished to have a heart attack or get in a car crash, just to take away this feeling.

    I know this doesn't sound like much, and nothing compared the problems other people have on here, but just thought I'd vent for a while :).
  2. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    hey, thats a ton of stuff to build up all at once. Do you think you could handle a month at the job? Do you think your parents would let you mooch (for lack of a better term) for a month. im not sure what they know, but if you explain to them the situation they might see the reasoning and allow it...

    either way im glad you posted here and i hope you keep doing it :)
  3. Ascrnuone

    Ascrnuone Member

    I pay board while I'm living at home :p. But I doubt I'd be able to last a month a work. Over the summer every time I stepped into the building, there wasn't a minute that when by that I didn't think of just taking my stuff and walking out, and although I only really worked on the weekends, whenever I finished work, all I thought about the rest of the week was that I had to go back there again.

    I could try going back, but I can't stand the thought of dealing with all that crap again, I mean a month is long enough for anyone, much less 5 years xP! I've worked at another region while at uni and the place is terrific, but there's only one other region back home, and one of the managers who was at my last workplace has moved over their, and she was the worst.

    I'll try have another talk with my parents when they come back off their holidays, maybe we can find something else out which is better than the choices I have now.
  4. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i hope it works out easily, but hang in there. sometime something will come along