Everything Depresses me Recently

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Jan 9, 2012.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am starting to fall into a mode where I cannot be uplifted or motivated by anything. I need to break out of this, I have an interview tomorrow. I hate it when my sister is the cause of my depression. Because I am the only person in the family she can really vent too. I do not want to say that "Remember I am a loser so watch what you say it might depress me". Because then she would not really have anyone, but her friends. So I try and be another ear that is not a social connection.

    Anyway, she just sort of vents to me about guys. How she made a mistake and slept with some guy and now he is driving her crazy. Then how there is another guy who she doesn't like who won't leave her alone. Then to add insult to injury she tells me one of her new years resolutions is to not sleep with people she doesn't like. I think to myself, god I wish that was my problem. I wish I could say that. Yet I know that will never come to be. As I am the perfect example of what women do not want in a man. So I will never have any of these problems. It is just an annoying reminders of what I am not getting.

    However, lately pretty much everything has been depressing me. My financial situation, my job hunting (which is going really well by most peoples standards), hell the fact that my kitty is around still. That is the worst, I am depressed that my kitty has not died. Why because I want to kill myself and I cannot do it before my kitty dies. That is how I know I am off the deep end and probably not going to come back. I am pretty sure now I am broken beyond repair.

    That is why I have given up socializing. I figure there is no reason to do that. After all, it will not get me what I want. So why even bother trying? All I will get is disappointment and humiliation. God I hate life so much sometimes. All I can think about is the numerous easy ways for me to kill myself. I think about them all day and night. It is a wonder I do not act on them.
     
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Hi - I'm really sorry that you're hurting. Do you see a therapist or counselor of some type? If so, there may be some course of treatment or even medication that can help you. You don't deserve this misery, but you must do some effort yourself. If the worst comes, and you're actually planning to kill yourself, go to a hospital Emergency Room, tell them of your plans and they can see to it that you receive some help.

    As far as your sister, you may need to set some boundaries - that she's just giving you too much information. Even if it's a temporary break from being her confidant, if you kill yourself, it will be permanently that she loses your attention and insight. And you WILL be putting pain on your family that you can't imagine. And your friends, you probably have more than you realize. They'll feel loss, and guilt and feel like they've been cheated.

    You'd also being denying some woman in the future the opportunity to know and love you.

    Keep posting, we won't judge you, we'll support and encourage you. We care and you're important to us.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2012
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @1Lefty: No I do not see a therapist. Curing people does not make sense in a capitalist society. Why cure someone when you can have them pay you $40 to $100 an hour X times a week or month till.. well your house is payed off?

    If I were to kill myself, she would get over it. It is one thing to not have something and there is nothing you can do about it. It is another thing to lose something and know you once had it and have to be around that person still. I kind of like her telling me these things. It helps me want to die. I have only my online friends... more and more recently I have been becoming more and more reclusive, even online... so.. yeah... that is not going so well. If things go the way I want them too. I will move far away. I will lose touch with my friends. One friend I am already losing to his wife. If I was not in the same office as him we would not even talk. The other friend has many connections. If I move away and kill myself. Neither would know it. Both have pretty strong views about those who are suicidal too. So they would likely not care either.

    I won't be denying any woman anything. Hell if anything I would be helping the women of the world not have to worry about me trying to get with them. So that was a funny joke about a woman loving me. However, I know that women would choose nothing, even if I was the last man alive. They instinctively know I am garbage. Some might try and use me, but in the end that is the best situation I could ever have. A woman using me for a few free meals. Maybe if I am lucky she might not have her real boyfriend beat me up.

    I do my best to keep posting... however more and more I have nothing to say... more and more my threads to silent... more and more I know that I need to disappear from all my lives.
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Another thread that vanishes into the never ending winds of suicidal people... oh well.
     
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