I am starting to fall into a mode where I cannot be uplifted or motivated by anything. I need to break out of this, I have an interview tomorrow. I hate it when my sister is the cause of my depression. Because I am the only person in the family she can really vent too. I do not want to say that "Remember I am a loser so watch what you say it might depress me". Because then she would not really have anyone, but her friends. So I try and be another ear that is not a social connection. Anyway, she just sort of vents to me about guys. How she made a mistake and slept with some guy and now he is driving her crazy. Then how there is another guy who she doesn't like who won't leave her alone. Then to add insult to injury she tells me one of her new years resolutions is to not sleep with people she doesn't like. I think to myself, god I wish that was my problem. I wish I could say that. Yet I know that will never come to be. As I am the perfect example of what women do not want in a man. So I will never have any of these problems. It is just an annoying reminders of what I am not getting. However, lately pretty much everything has been depressing me. My financial situation, my job hunting (which is going really well by most peoples standards), hell the fact that my kitty is around still. That is the worst, I am depressed that my kitty has not died. Why because I want to kill myself and I cannot do it before my kitty dies. That is how I know I am off the deep end and probably not going to come back. I am pretty sure now I am broken beyond repair. That is why I have given up socializing. I figure there is no reason to do that. After all, it will not get me what I want. So why even bother trying? All I will get is disappointment and humiliation. God I hate life so much sometimes. All I can think about is the numerous easy ways for me to kill myself. I think about them all day and night. It is a wonder I do not act on them.